- Coming out of emotional freeze - i keep assuming i will end up in a crisis even though i am in therapy. After a lifetime of not feeling....seeking experiences of others who relate and found a way

My inner world is very guarded, i know its been like that since i was an infant due to my parents repeated abandonment, neglect and abuse.

I have other parts who have been pushing for healing aggresively without a sense of whats underneath or being able to feel.

Now i have learnt to respect my slowest parts and nervous system and finally there are shifts through the therapy but i also get hit with waves of panic that i am going to get consumed by it all

If i understand, being able to be with the discomfort is key and i try but its very new and unfamiliar which then perpetuates the dredd

I know logically that going in a gentle way that my system will open up as much as it senses i can handle as its been so tight, yet sometimes feeling anything seems a lot

Seeking comments how others navigated this juncture

Thank you

in CPTSD_NSCommunityby protectingMJ

93%

18d

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befellen

18d

My strongest fear response has been to sleep. And not so much when bad things are happening, but when I am doing personal-growth activities. So I have a strong resistance as things get better. My nervous system sends off all sorts of alarms and knocks me out, almost literally.

As I am able to watch the alarm bells go off, and use the exercises for calming the nervous system and listening to the body, I am gradually able to reduce my nervous system's reactivity.

But I still have parts that resist, create chaos, avoid, or get really angry. They are the second line of defense. So, I started by listening to those parts and accepting that doing better wasn't going to feel better. It's a frustrating because I wanted to feel better. It confused me for a long time and others cannot comprehend it so I've stopped explaining it.

One other aspect is that parts needed time to trust my adult Self. For some parts, acknowledgement was enough. Other parts, like teenagers, have been very skeptical and need proof over time. As I dissociated less and took on things I didn't really want to do, but needed to, they reduced their hyper vigilance.

I often catch myself in a state of discomfort and then realize that it's because I am genuinely safe. It can be challenging for me to be in a place of safety.

One of my coaches themes is to go very, very slowly as to not put myself into overwhelm because that stops growth. Very, very slow is better than freeze. Another was to create a level of safety for the nervous system. This was critical for me because I had fast, unconscious fear reactions. But, creating safety...that meant my adult Self had to manage times of safety responsibly so my childish parts didn't take over - which they were very skilled at doing.

raisedbydoughnuts

18d

This is fascinating because I feel like it could explain some of the things that I do as well. Especially what you wrote about giving the parts time to trust your adult self. So eloquently put and I love that you have been able to find such compassion and patience for the parts who are staging a resistance.