Explain your experience of anxiety in one sentence/phrase.
Edit: Wow, I didn’t expect this many responses! There’s so many comments that I am overwhelmed and anxious 😆 but in a good way! I hate that we all have so much to say on this topic, but it makes me feel all warm and cozy inside that we can relate and support each other. Sending so many virtual hugs right now. ❤️🩹❤️🩹
Holy shit, I relate to this too much.... I worry I wont reach my goals but this worry is adding to all the other worries that paralyses me so I cant get things done
THANK YOU. This is my exact experience..
Perfect.
I dream of the day that I will have more free time for myself and fun rather than spending it worrying and being anxious about everything my body is triggered by. Always wonder what it’s like for those that don’t have their body constantly sending out emergency alerts. Also didn’t realize this wasn’t a Normal thing until recently lol. OH THE TIME SPENT!
Yep lmao spot on
That's seems very familiar indeed, dont know if it's a combination of ADD and CPTSD or its just a CPTSD thing. I'd love to know if this way of thinking is isolated to cptsd or if its a combination of ADHD/ADD and cptsd.
My psych seems to think it’s just depression as I’ve been prescribed a half dozen SSRIs/SNRIs that didn’t help.
That was my doctors first suggestion, i did fight against it but after 3 visits later i ended up agreeing to it. That was in 19 and even if i just used it for about 45days i still to this day have lasting effects. Do understand that just cause it didnt work on me it wont work on anyway. Anyway i lost the ability to day dream (my safe space) within a few days and i just felt hollow. Being hollow while going to a psychologist is a waste of time for both party's. Couldnt work with myself nor could express much emotions due to memorys and feelings only stuck around for about 3-5 seconds before turning to mind-fog. I quit my meds while being in a psych ward (was a mutual agreed plan from both partys) due to that being the safer alternative compared to home alone. C-ptsd and mild/moderate/major depression disorder goes hand in hand pretty much in my opinipon. Sprinkle ADD/ADHD ontop of a allready overactive brain is just unbearable from time to time. That's why i alluded to others with the same sh*tstorm of a combo.
Yeah, to be clear just because the meds didn’t work for me, I don’t want to discourage others from trying. It seems like the psychiatrists are also just using a trial and error method with some of this stuff. For me SSRIs killed my sex drive but did not reduce my anxiety or depression noticeably. I’m currently taking Gabapentin and it might help with my anxiety a little. Honestly, I question if it isn’t the placebo effect since I can sorta take it as needed.
Mine didnt kill my sex drive as much as it killed my ability to have any ambition what so ever, thus ending any sense of lust. I'd also like to point out that i do agree with you, just because it didnt or rather work the way i imaged it would work. Does not mean it wont work for you. Mental health and anti-depressive's is stigmatized enough allready by blissfully ignorant people sadly. The only thing i can say is from my personall experiance with anti-depressive drug(s), while i was taking it i was still figuring out what was wrong with me thus taking it made it alot harder for both me and the good people helping me. 2 years later i do sometimes miss it, at the same time the drug i used made me lose some parts of my inner self (mostly the inability to day dream, as for sleeping the nightmares took a break aswell)
I used cipralex/lexapro (Escitalopram) for about 45 days, while talking to my psychologist i said in a very monotone voice; currently our meetings are somewhat a waste of time due to my ability to express myself is fairly muted, how can we work together when i'm pretty equal to a white painted brick wall with a few small cracks in it. We spent about 20ish mins talking about it, had to take it to the head doctor on the ward. Quit the same day with sevral nurses and docotrs around, it was the most logical and safe place i could quit anti-depressive's.
I am not a doctor but you would likely qualify for ketamine therapy if that interests you, esp after going through a half dozen meds already. I've heard good things.
The other day my counselor said something after I was describing my anxiety and what I have tried. He said, “well, what if the anxiety never goes away?” And I thought but couldn’t say, “I would try every conceivable treatment legal or not. I would try the psilocybin therapy that’s almost available here, an ayahuasca vacation, ECT, I would buy Xanax or heroin off the street, drink myself into a coma, or just blow my fucking brains out.” Also this morning my psych’s office called to say my appt this afternoon is cancelled and I had to reschedule for 3 weeks out, so I’m pretty pissed off today.
I wish psilocybin was a optinal treatment in my country, i've picked mushrooms that contain saod chemical. Properly dosed combained meditation with music of your choice in the background resultet in inner peace and calmness for about a month. It was a fair moderate low'ish dose but i'll stand my ground. In a safe enviroment (i had a friend who knew pretty much everything about me staying sober as my trip sitter). I've never felt as safe as i did while meditating on psilocybin.
This sums it up nicely.
Paralysis by analysis.
I like this description. It's spot on and rhymes.
Thank you! I forgot where I read it, but it really hit home for me. I’m not stupid, I just panic Haha
Wait this is a perfect way to describe it… genius
Living in constant fear.
I always thought I was crazy/paranoid until i actually learned about hypervigilance and how it’s a trauma response. Still doesn’t fix it, but at least I know there’s a reason for it.
Living in constant fear.
when will it ever end
Endless exhaustion that I can never escape
Yup. I’m tired by noon on most days. The fatigue & exhaustion are so real.
Anything from feelings of elextricty or standing on the edge of a cliff forever. Or just feeling gnnnnnnnn all dang day and twitching etc
It really takes a toll on your body too. Just all that constant tensing and bracing..
Yeh I’m really struggling to get to a nice baseline again. I’m always a mess.
Tightness in my chest like i imagine the start of a heart attack
Can you actually feel the tightness? I feel it in my chest and throat. It’s suffocating.
Oh, I feel it. Like a black hole nested in my sternum. Like my ribs want to collapse. My whole chest aches, and my body wants to curl up like a pill bug.
For sure, anxiety is very physical for a lot of people. Does your upper back ever hurt because of it?
Yeah, my shoulders and mid spine.
Yes mine does too. Sometimes when I try to explain it to people, they don’t understand. They think it’s this mental feeling of tightness. And I’m like “umm no I’m literally feeling this physically 24/7.”
Yesh, that can be really frustrating especially when you experience a lot of physical symptoms. People don't understand that most mental health issues cover multiple areas. For them, it's so far distant from their mind, or they consider them temporary problems that they honestly can't comprehend how all-consuming it is.
my life
Can you actually feel the tightness? I feel it in my chest and throat. It’s suffocating.
yes mine cycles between chest throat and heart
it gets quite overwhelming at times, i hate noticing it, it's always about distracting myself 24/7 sadly
This is spot on....I only realized that it was a symptom of anxiety when I started taking medication....funny how before then I used to think that the chest pain was bronchitis or some other chest complication
Me too! When I started taking medication, I suddenly was able to breathe again. I had convinced myself before that I was absolutely crazy and just making it up. Even when I started taking medication, I spent some time telling myself that it was just a placebo effect.
my chest bears all the weight of existing, and it melts into a toxic sludge into my stomach.
😔 I physically felt this while reading it
Virtual hugs ❤️
You put this very well. I’m sorry you know you know the feeling and I’m sorry I do too. I’m sorry for all of us. Sending you comfort and healing and love ❤️
In the words of Bo-
I get this feeling in my body way down deep inside me I try not to fight it “describe it!” Alright! A few things start to happen my vision starts to flatten my heart it gets to tappin and I think I’m gunna DIE!
Yes! That man puts my feelings into words I didn’t know know were possible. (He does that for a lot of us!)
Indeed he does!
Unable to ever relax because you're stressed about relaxing.
Ha ha. Yes! Sorry to laugh, but these are all so funny because they’re true.
the constant feeling in the pit of my stomach that im doing something wrong for simply existing
Self loathing which leads to destruction of every positive thing in my life
Yup. Self sabotaging makes me feel so defeated, like I shouldn’t even try.
Yea I’ve been ruining my relationship lately and idk how to stop lmao
I forget to breathe so..Breath Taking to say the least..
I forget to breathe sometimes too. I always hold my breath, even when I’m asleep
Yes! I forget to take full breaths too. I have to remind myself..
Especially if I'm not masking bc im alone with my thoughts I'll forget until my body forces me to take a breath
Ffffffffffffuuuuuuuuucccccc….
Yup… I feel that
sounds about right
All the time
Adrenaline rush.
But not a good one. At least for me.
They've never been "good" - the feeling has been a constant and I assumed I was just prone to social anxiety / general anxiety. Turns out it's just my response to growing up in chaos.
A bit agro when others endanger me and hide my hands when I like someone.
We get so used to adapting to chaos that it just becomes our normal. It’s so sad.
Vivid anxiety dreams where men wearing black chase me and shoot me with their automatic rifles.
Wait do you actually have these dreams? I have nightmares where I’m being chased and end up being trapped/suffocated in the end. It’s horrible.
I also dream of being chased by bad entities or people. But for some reason I’m always saving others in the process of running away, it’s strange
Me too! I dream about natural disasters where I'm trying to save 50+ people from an oncoming tsunami or landslide, or children from a burning bus in the middle of a war zone. I also frequently wake up in my dream (but am still dreaming, like in Inception), and repeat the story again, desperately trying to change the outcome.
Suffocating.
This is 100% my experience as well
Mercury dripping down my throat eventually coating my lungs and stomach causing a burning yet freezing unpleasant sensation 24/7
One sentence from the Wizard : "Black acid nightmare".
I hate this, I hate every single minute of it
Feeling trapped under water or being paralyzed inside your own body and mind
drowning under water, paralyzed, suffocated, choked, buried alive.
Feels, reminds me of “Is this my life, am I breathing underwater?” by Metric
Feeling safe, what’s that like?
Wish I knew too 🤷🏼♀️
A million eyes watching, a million mouths shouting.
This. This is deep. And so true. Always on guard because there’s always someone watching, evaluating, judging, and attacking.
Whhhhyyyyyyyy
In all its meanings, including as a metaphysical question
Always sick to my stomach!
Sometimes it's like electricity shooting through my nerves with a hint of nausea, and other times it's hyper vigilance to the point where I can't force myself to relax.
My anxiety is always constant. I just have days where I’m better and worse at managing it
Yes, me too. Some days it’s less noticeable, but it’s always there haunting me.
You’re worthless and they can all tell.
Suspicions and paranoia. I don't trust anyone and have to constantly remind myself that my initial thoughts and feelings are wrong or I can't do anything.
Like right now, I've got a clothes horse to dry my clothes on because the tumble dryer is too expensive. It's a sunny day, but I wanted to set it up indoors and my partner was like "why not do it on the balcony?" We have a ground floor balcony and I had to explain that I can't because I'm scared someone's going to steal my clothes.
Edit: the thought of exposing anything of mine, especially myself to other people fills me with a panic, heart in my throat, want to cry and peel my skin off feeling.
The thought of exposing anything of mine, especially myself to other people fills me with a panic, heart in my throat, want to cry and peel my skin off feeling.
I just want to say that I have a lot of compassion for the part that doesn’t trust anyone and is suspicious of their intentions. I feel the same. While it is isolating and lonely, it also was created out of necessity to keep us safe. I don’t think you are crazy. I understand you.
Thank you. It's difficult but something I really need to work on because I keep doing it with my partner and then taking actions to avoid these paranoid induced scenarios that she wouldn't act out anyway and in my avoidance I'm creating more problems.
I relate to you so much. My suspicion is so so severe that I moved away from my best friends because I was too afraid to talk to them about how I felt, I was always paranoid they didn’t want me around anymore. That I wasn’t worth being around. I was so burnt out and so in that triggered state especially during school and all that chaos that I listened to the thoughts. I’m ashamed of myself but I lose a lot. I’m suspicious of everyone because I had experience back in the day of even my closest friends turning on me. I feel ashamed but truly, it is so so so hard to just know that the triggers are triggers and not an all consuming danger. If you have a busy life too it all becomes so much and sometimes we make mistakes because of it. It’s so difficult but when you recognize the problem and take the steps to heal that’s all that could ever be asked for.
Feeling like you’re trapped in that millisecond where you’re about to drop an expensive plate.
It has evolved into paranoia for me
Me too! It’s horrible.
It's always going to be the worst possiblity, and if it's better than that, I owe a debt of misery that I'll need to pay.
Walking around with a bomb in your pocket and you don't know what sets it off
This is so real. Always anticipating danger.
every day is too overwhelming to accomplish much of anything while i beat myself up for not doing anything
Ahh I feel this cycle
Constant sense of impending doom plus cannot take a breath deep enough.
Nausea and shame.
What if, but then what if, and what if that - but wait, no, what if the other thing?
I followed that entire sentence like a flow chart. 😂
Like I was given a touch of hell.
But never asked for it
Trapped in the confines of my mind.
There’s an entire world going on out there, but I don’t notice it, I’m too busy in my mind.
Like watching a high-tension thriller movie, experiencing that suspended pressure all day, where your only relief from is when you are able to fall asleep.
Only without the sleep
This ^ 😔😔
No matter how good things currently are…I am forever anticipating the proverbial shoe to drop.
D R E A D
(never fully gone, always feeling a little like a tiny rabbit alone in the middle of a field)
My jaw and back are tensed up 24/7
😨😱😨😨😨😨😱
I want to do this thing but what if
I'm just feeling really nervous for no reason at all.
Fear of abuse for not being worth existing unless I'm perfect :(
I an constantly paralyzed by things I can't change or fix. I cant fix them and the consequences terrify me but I'm strapped into this ride no matter what.
The loss of control is what makes this all so overwhelming. I hate it too.
Life makes me feel permanently claustrophobic
Yup.. feeling trapped is one of my number one experiences of CPTSD
My body hurts, I feel paralyzed and ashamed, I can’t drink or eat properly which leads to feeling sick, scared for judgements so I self isolate and keep things to myself. A constant cycle of physical self destruction even though I work so hard to break through it.
Never able to relax
Brain is always running at max CPU & all my programs are freezing/lagging as a consequence
Constant and exhausting overthinking, second guessing, paranoia, and adrenaline that eat ups every minute of my life.
Constant feeling of danger without evidence of a threat
Hypervigilance on steroids super-activated by "micro"-triggers.
My mind may not remember something, but my body always does.
^ so true
None of that stuff even happens, but what DOES happen is another day is gone and I'm not feeling better.
Static from the tv fills my body as avalanches drown out the sound around me never doing enough yet doing too much.
Paranoid and avoidant just by nature of everyone around me, but feeling bad when now proper & trustworthy friends take it personally. ;-;
And always feeling physically incapable of un- tensing, especially in my upper back & shoulders.
The tense part of a horror movie right before a jump scare but all the time
Have you ever woken up because you felt you were falling? My anxiety feels like that 24/7.
Mine is from childhood abuse. Now at age 50, I have so many medical issues and chronic pain from being in fight or flight my entire life. So in addition to the emotional feelings so many of you describe, I’m sick and my body always hurts.
It's all shame
🔫 allways has been
i cant be like them.
I have this same thought constantly…
My entire being is like an insect endlessly fluttering inside a too-small container.
Remembering to unclench my jaw and my shoulder muscles, and trying to do even basic things without preparing for the worst possible outcome.
Thank you for reminding me to do the same right now. 😅
Walking on ice that is not very stable and you expect it to break any second.
Being unable to achieve anything because you're afraid of failing.
Full of bees
Brain thinks there's a tiger so all the unused run-from-tigers juice from my ancestors kicks in, making my brain go "DANGER WILL ROBINSON" even though there is NOTHING happening.
Almost always on edge
There’s an invisible bear in the room, and I think it might be getting hungry.
I wish I could beat up the bear with a baseball bat
Aw, thank you. We're practically old friends by now, but there are times. There are times.
Trust is not an option, ever, apparently....
My anxiety tends to manifest as chronic dissociation to the point where I don’t even recognise the person I see in the mirror any more.
My head is always foggy, I have severe sensory overload (I have ASD and ADHD too) and I tend to live on autopilot.
Meh.
Yes, 100%. Mine eventually transitions into depression too.
A slow creep of dread then a wave whose suddeness also feels inevitable, followed by franctic attempts at making sense of it; reaching catastropic theses from which I select a conclusion; and collapsing from its devasting quality. Do this several times a minute.
Chidi from the Good Place
destroying myself to save others
unreasonable
Me guilt tripping myself about not being perfect as a result of taking to heart the judgment of those who thought they were entitled to me being a perfect whoever or whatever they thought I ought to be.
Me guilt tripping myself about not being perfect as a result of taking to heart the judgment of those who thought they were entitled to me being a perfect whoever or whatever they thought I ought to be.
You don’t realize you’re freezing up until you’re frostbitten.
Constant worry that every little Ache and pain is like me gonna die in my heart‘s giving out even though I am perfectly healthy, heart and strong and like had multiple EKGs, I still think every ache and pain is me like going to die, even though like I struggle with suicidal ideation
Maybe I'm overthinking this. Or what if...
I run on that shit like the energizer bunny! My anxiety never goes away, it is never depleted, it is always there and never gives me energy. It is constantly surging through me, 25/8, 366 days of the year. I often wonder if it can kill me by itself.
Constant itch between my shoulder blades i can't scratch.
i just feel like my brain has turned into total mush from constantly overproducing adrenaline, like the anxiety has taken a hand blender and pulverized my brain. i’m like a smoothie
I feel numb but also full of adrenaline I can’t get out.
when things are going well i can't fully enjoy it because i'm always anticipating the next thing to go horribly wrong.
I always need an eternal massage.
Every day is combat, I look for safety, seek out resources to survive and live situation to situation.
I recently described my anxiety to my primary while having a full on meltdown in her office. My anxiety is running buck wild naked in the street while tripping on acid. She said I think you’re either add or bipolar and started me on adderall lol
zap go zap go zap
FUCK
Constantly worried and am never relaxed.
Teetering always.
The boss music is playing but I can’t find the boss
Wired and tired.
Being crippled and the society expects you to run a marathon like a champion regardless.
Ah, the expectations. The expectation that we should be “functional” in society while living with CPTSD…
As someone with a lot of interconnected compounding trauma that is also generational and a result of systemic oppression as a minority I personally feel like everyday is a sick form of torture and every breath feels labored. Like I feel like I have to constantly regulate my breath even almost like I feel the need to gain permission to breathe and live life although my deepest desire is to just stop existing.
Basically I feel like life is the script to a horror comedy and I'm constantly holding my breath waiting for the next catastrophic event on my life to occur for the pleasure of others.
Sorry to comment twice but I was so on edge I forgot I've actually described this multiple times before 😅
Life with this kinda anxiety feels like a Sisyphean nightmare in which the boulder is every day issues for normal folks but then at the top is the trauma/ systems that cause the trauma and you fall back to the bottom where you just give up and stew in the fact that you're ruined forever and destined to keep repeating the same cycle.
Constant panic about everything.
Don’t have to go home but i can’t stay here
Well that’s not a real thing, but I’m gonna worry about it anyways. (Me @ anything)
Life feels constantly like running to stand still and trying not to drown.
If my mother can't love me, and can convince my family to hate me with lies, how can anyone be a safe human.
My entire personality is based in brutal honesty, this is literally my worst nightmare. I now have seizures every time I have a panic attack, my body just can not hold up to the anxiety anymore.
Its like a really bad storm swirling around in my head and I don't know how to stop it unless I either let it run its course, force my mind to go somewhere else, or get confirmation everything is ok
i want to.. . . ...no, i can't do anything. i can't move. im stuck here.. . . help. is anyone there? no, anyone who would help? . . .no. of course not...
that was more than one sentence, but i don't know how else to describe it. it manifests in various ways, but this might be the worst one. it's when i get so anxious that i shut down, wich is way too common.
Like my heart is wrapped in barbed wire, and even if it subsides, I can still feel the imprints from it.. sensitive to the touch
Something bad is coming. Not sure what but it's on the way.
How can I care about anything at all knowing that the ones who were supposed to protect me didn’t care about me?
The Force.
Anxiety makes me feel and look like I’m feening for drugs with paranoia and fear
Clenching every muscle, no matter how small waiting for doom that never comes … to eventually realize the time has passed but no change in behavior.
Fire fire everywhere, crying puts it out
Want to do a lot but have anxiety about it then I overthink it and I just can’t relax or rest.
Mine comes in where I feel like I need to be “on” I cannot let myself relax even if I need to because I fear the pain will be worse or that I won’t be prepared for when the pain comes if I relax. So anxious with a pit in my stomach day in day out. I feel “in trouble” all the time like I’ve done a horrible horrible deed. I feel paranoid of even my most wonderful and trustworthy friends and feel terrified of talking about how I feel. I used to get triggered over relatively small things. I feel ashamed of myself daily, I feel ashamed for not recognizing my triggers and stopping my actions that occur. I feel this panic “I need to get out of here” I feel trapped. Always so trapped. And being trapped is the most terrifying feeling of all. Always tired but never sleepy and savoring the couple minutes in the morning when I haven’t quite woken up to feel the anxiety.
How can I care so much about all these different things that I end up doing nothing all day yet didn’t relax at all?