You think this is a fucking choice?
"Don't LET your anxiety/depression/trauma control your life."
CPTSD Vent / RantUser deleted comment
2.2y
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2.2y
Thought I was the only fatigued psoriasis kiddo around nice to know I'm not alone. Shit came with the illness smh
I mean, minus the last three you could have just tagged me... I feel so attacked. Lol
What the heck? Have you been spying on my life and looking at my medical history? LMAO. This is..... me... straight up, this is me.
I just checked off all those boxes. If you would’ve said UTIs, it would’ve been too eery. I keep getting told I’m way too sick for a 23 year old. Well yeah, that’s kinda the point, isn’t it?
I've had ridiculous acid reflux since I was a baby. It scares me to think this shit started even way before I thought it did.
Reading this gave me acid reflux
Eczema? Oooh dear that might explain it. Haven't heard of this yet coming from CPTSD. Do you have any sources? (I believe you, just want to do some reading up on it).
I had a doctor hypothesize that my anxiety and depression (from CPTSD) caused a whole litany of “inflammation based” comorbidities - including many of those you listed - as my body’s reaction to elevated and constant stress hormones. He showed me some research that seemed to support it. However I had to change insurance and doctors. My new doctor acted like this was a ridiculous supposition. 🤷♀️
Edit: I should mention, the first doctor mentioned was a D.O. and the second was a M.D. Having have several experiences with these differences, my opinion is that D.O.s (osteopathic trained practitioners) are much more interested in treating mental health as part of me (the whole patient), while M.D.s (allopathic practitioners) see mental health as a siloed, and largely unimportant, part of patient. Just my two cents!
To your last point - I also have a conspiracy theory that it’s because DO docs have lower entry stats (Gpa, MCAT) than MD’s and probably have experienced some struggle themselves before getting into medical school.
Omg, I have suddenly developed REALLY itchy skin (using e45 itch relief, antihistamine and teatree ointment). Could it be related to Cptsd?! I've never even had sensitive skin until about 4 months before the floodgates of 'holy shit, my life actually wasn't what I thought it was' - you know the stage I'm talking about?
Can anyone signpost to more resources on this phenomenon?
Stress is a really common eczema trigger, it does it for me too :(
I feel attacked yo.
Holy shit I'm 33 and have arthritis and cptsd. My doctor didn't even want to diagnose it as arthritis bc of my age but this makes so much sense. I can also tick headaches, muscle pain, and eczema off the list, wow.
WHAT?! Are you serious? Damn.
Asthma is another that I did know about (and have). Or rather, there is correlation between childhood trauma and developing childhood asthma.
A whole Pandora's box of 20 years of trauma just exploded on me recently. I have also just developed confirmed arthritis in my knee, and my hands are constantly swollen and in excruciating pain that no one can find the cause of.
do people tell people with heart disease that it's all in their chests??? yea didnt think so lmao
Mine has manifested itself as chronic and treatment resistant depression, anxiety, ADHD, insomnia, emotional liability so yeah, it’s def an acquired mental illness…in addition to those to which I’m predisposed.
Suuuuper fun! Now pass me my goddamned meds that stopped working.
I prefer to call it Psycho-Emotional, because the grand realization I came to through Body Keeps the Score and the work on Polyvagal Theory is that, at it's very core, it's a nervous system disorder - first & foremost. The mental challenges are a result of that.
“All in your head” - your brain, an organ of the body
“What am I supposed to do, scoop my brain out and wash it?”
It’s also in your body, and your brain is part of your body anyway. Ugh that sentence is the worst!
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2.2y
Me too, that sounds nice somehow haha
To me, it's the same as "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional". The idea that people should be able to perfectly control themselves like that, and the implication that if they can't then they're failures, isn't something I can get behind.
Just hit them with the classic "thanks, I'm cured!"
I feel like that sort of perspective is incredibly flawed though, because obviously it's insensitive, but I feel it goes further than that.
If we let our mental illness control our lives, we'd probably all be dead. I know I never would have been able to leave my room to find food a lot of the time, I'd never be able to make it to the store for groceries, I'd have zero friends, probably still live with my abusive family (assuming they didn't just kick me out)
We struggle because we're not letting it control us. It's fucking difficult, and people without these illnesses just see what we don't do when it's what we do manage to accomplish in spite of our mental health that should be praised.
It's a chore for me to even get out of bed in the morning most days, even more when I have to actually go to appointments and such, but I still do it even if I really don't want to. I'm trying to live my life, no matter how much my problems make me feel like shit.
This resonates so deeply with me. Thank you. I have not received praise for anything from anyone. Despite the horrible trauma I experienced, I have a degree and am working towards another. I have a good job. I am trying my absolute best despite depression. I'm deeply wounded and I do not have family that tells me I'm good enough. My family is extremely cruel. Only my therapist has gentle and kind things to say. Things I wish others would say to me. I'm glad you're doing the hard things. You are doing a great job.
Oh man I feel this. I work as an artist. I got my first museum show and I told my mom and the best I got was a thumbs up emoji. Then just this week I got signed to a Licensing agency and I got a "that's nice". Two incredibly hard things to achieve as an artist (especially without going to school) and that's the most she could muster.
Damn! Good job!! Those are both HUGE and I'm proud of you!
Congratulations! You've worked hard and are not only succeeding in your career but your mental health as well.
CONGRATULATIONS! I'm a painter part time (mostly abstracts and landscapes - I don't do Portraiture AT ALL!) and what you managed is freaking AWESOME and OUTSTANDING.
Part of me is sooo jealie that you got that signing. That is absolutely fantastic for you!
I'm sure you're doing your best <3
Keep it up, but remember it's also okay to rest when you need to.
This. With Lupus, most days its a struggle to get out of bed at all. I lay there awake, sometimes for almost an hour, just gathering the physical and emotional strength and resolve to put my feet on the floor. Usually, what finally "motivates" me to actually do so is my bladder screaming "we go pee, or We Go Pee!" in a rather obnoxiously loud voice inside my head.
Right.. out of bed... so... clothes... meh..... the pants I pulled off last night are loose and comfortable and Right There and I don't have to go dig for some in the closet... good enough, and maybe after pain meds I'll find the energy somewhere to consider changing clothes and doing laundry... and if I'm Really lucky, I'll manage to find the energy to get them put away some time before I need to do laundry again! Food? Who has the energy to cook when you're fighting against screaming in agony if you stand at the stove for 10 minutes? Granola bar is good enough, and at least it'll shut my stomach up for a while with its whining.
Holy cow thank you. I seriously never thought about it that way.
My therapist actually told me that I have the responsibility to stop feeling sorry for myself at some point and move on.
She’s a TRAUMA THERAPIST.
I can kiiinda see her point-she contends all PTSD people are experiencing active learned helplessness and the only way out is through…..but damn seriously? I am here for help/tools, not for you to kick me when I’m down.
Yeah, with heavy DBT and psychedelics and like two years off of work to only focus on you.
Seriously GFY. Like others have said, if we didn’t have mental and physical sx and didn’t generally hate ourselves already we would be working waaaaay harder on shit. Suuuuck a dick.
Wow are you serious? I would find a new trauma therapist!! That’s ridiculous
Yeah I found one like…last week after being out of tx for over a year. Praying she’s a little more action oriented, she does EMDR also per website so thankful.
I totally realize that talking and practicing tools only get so far and then I am the driver of my own destiny so perhaps she was just frustrated. Or maybe I smell. Or am too ugly or something 🙄😂
Omfg, this was me a year ago. I shifted as much as I could with the usual talk about it/learning about it and coping techniques and got stuck. Still feeling anxious to the point of vomiting and all the other shit that comes with cptsd and I'm sure my trauma therapist was getting frustrated with me because of it all. Hell, I didn't actually choose to leave, she just told me there wasn't anything she could do for me anymore and to find someone else.
That turned out to be the best thing because I found a psychologist that does parts work and emdr. I haven't gotten to the emdr bit yet, but the parts work has given me so much relief. It gives a voice to all those hurt parts of you and soothes them, like your anxiety can be a part that needs you to listen to it and help it. Also instead of being wound up for a few days pre and post appointment, I feel relieved and freaking happy. Maybe something like that could help?
Please explain parts work or give link? Honestly could Google but would rather have first hand feedback.
No rush.
Thanks man.
I do parts work. It's like talking to yourself therapeutically. I actually named different parts of myself. The little child who cries has one name, the bully (who actually is protecting the little child) has a different name, there's a few more... The thing I'm learning is that all theses "parts of self" are there because they helped me cope and survive, and now they're still trying to protect me. So when I get triggered and one of them takes over... I start crying and can't stop or I get really inappropriately angry and can't seem to pull it back... I've learned to ask the part that's taking over what's going on and I can sometimes remind them that we're not in the abusive situation anymore. I guess it's kind of like "inner child" stuff. Anyway that's how I understand it.
It kinda sounds like alters that for me try to take over. Now that I'm older, they don't bother me much just give me a straight answer of what needs to be done
That's amazing. In Europe they do the same thing for people that hear voices, like talk to them and ask what they need to leave you alone.
I have usually ignored them, but sometimes they get my attention and will tell me "just grieve for gods sake, or whatever comes up They are parts of my conscience that split off a long time ago
This. ❤
How it works for me you take a symptom or aspect of yourself that's struggling and turn it into a character. You then ask this character what it needs, what it's purpose is, give it a cuddle, soothe it and give it a home. You tell it everything is ok, but you can handle this and tell the part it can stay home and chill out. There's quite a bit of emotional effort involved, my therapist always asks me what the feeling of this thing is, where it sits in the body and what colour it might be before I turn it into a character. At the very least it gives you compassion for all these parts of you. I actually some major success with my migraines, but I don't have a scientific explanation nor do I want to set anyone up for failure if they're doing this alone. Things like the fawning response can easily be alone though.
https://drarielleschwartz.com/parts-work-therapy-dr-arielle-schwartz/ https://mentalhealthworksheets.com/parts-work-therapy-worksheetversion-2/ http://www.inneractivecards.com/the-house-in-your-head.html
Thank you sincerely, I’m going to definitely give this a read and consideration. I’m thinking already it really may work as not in a schizoaffective or schizophrenic way-my mind and body definitely have parts, esp body where it’s hiding/holding trauma.
Thanks again!!!!
No problem at all!! I owe this sub so much, just being a lurker here you see stuff you identity with and can work on. So I'm really happy to share something that worked for me.
In my honest opinion I feel like she phrased that way too harshly. I am predicting she sort of meant to radically accept that life just fucking sucks sometimes but it’s ultimately now in your control as to what to do with it all.
Ugh seems so easy to say too but oooof. Idk I’m also in the process of trying to basically relearn a new way at looking at the world that’s different from my own lenses of abandonment/rejection and man it’s hard. (Going to DBT soon tho!)
Yes-I have read alot of Buddhist works and the Mark Manson books (hahahaaaa), that I understand/grasp when I’m not in this space but when I am it’s like my brain just empties itself.
So yes I need to reframe EVERYTHING. Starting like…4 months ago.
Appreciate the reminder.
Hoping you can find a program or therapist ASAP. If you call the one 800 number on the back of your insurance card they should hook you up with a health advocate that can find a therapist for you a lot quicker than you doing all the work on your own. That’s what they are there for!
Learned helplessness? A trauma response isn't learned helplessness. What a c.nt
Actually, learned helplessness can be a trauma response.
Yeah sadly I think that’s what I’m fighting after years of super high performing-I think I finally broke. I told my therapist before that I’m so sick of fucking doing things for other people and taking care of other people that I finally want someone to take care of me and I think I regress to like an eight-year-old, which is when a lot of my shit started. It’s suuuuper fun.
Trying every day to reframe and rethink and anchor. Exhausting as we all know but I have to do it yet my brain is legit tantrum against itself. Cool.
You're doing good work. I know it's hard, but hang in there.
Thanks, yinz give me hope, really.
But thats not their fault and changing that isnt as fast as just "not feeling sorry for yourself"
Absolutely. It's a hard, scary process and has nothing to do with self-pity.
That's not what they said.
I would say it's one of the primary ones, right? That is if you have CPTSD from repeated trauma in the formative years, as probably most here do. I learned before I could barely speak that I was gonna get the shit kicked out of me and my parents weren't going to do anything - and in many cases made it worse by telling me to "Not be a wuss."
Being helpless was one of the first lessons in life that I learned.
The thing that’s hilarious here is that means they think it’s a CHOICE
BRUH I wouldn’t touch my symptoms with a ten foot pole if I had a CHOICE
I just also want to add here that so much CPTSD also stems from situations with no choice Food for thought
Yeah. If I could control my symptoms I would have done that decades ago. So freaking stupid.
What’s the real life version I can send people to?
Don't let your motherboard control your computer!
I had to anticipate things for my own survival. My parents only made it harder for me. It wasn't a choice, it was an adaptation to neglect and abuse. I'm almost thankful when people don't understand, because it means they didn't have the same experience but fuck are they tone deaf.
I hate it when people say that. Don’t let it define you. Don’t let it destroy you. Don’t let it ruin your life or take your happiness. Wtf. I have a friend who went through panic attacks and she’s better now but she regularly refers to that time as the time she went insane. Whatever.
But it did ruin it.
Correct
"I have a lot of trauma too, but I just don't let it affect me"
"Those are just letters on some paper, they don't define you"
*hair pulling intensifies
If you are in therapy and your therapist thinks you have made progress, they are likely to tell you that. Because you have to make choices at some point. And those choices should not be affected by anxiety/depression/trauma as now you understand what causes them and how to tackle them. The whole point of therapy is to let you know that trauma and its effect are NOT a choice. We have to be accountable to some extent for how we deal with trauma so that the life we let ourselves choose is the best for us.
Maybe this is not the best time for you to work on that, but you will have to take control of your life.
I get the sentiment behind that.
In the end, we are responsible for how we handle our emotions and we're definitely responsible for our actions. And I feel like some people with trauma will use that as a crutch (not on purpose usually) for the rest of their lives. We get comfortable being the victim. It took me holding myself accountable to make a lot of the progress that I have, because I realized some part of me WANTED to still be hurt and traumatized...its hard to admit but our brains get used to carrying around the ball and chain and would rather suffer on than to go through the hard hard hard work of letting it go.
That being said. A lot of people that use this saying, AREN'T using it with the nuance that it needs. And they're usually just trying to quickly dismiss and invalidate the real real struggle that people with cPTSD have.
Oh, you met my old landlords? The wife is a psycho. I was having a panic attack and she literally said, “I know you have PTSD, but this behavior is unacceptable, take it inside.” At 1pm. Like ummmm
I was freaking out because a few days earlier her husband corralled me in a corner and scared the shit out of me. But yep, neat.
“Don’t LET gravity control your body. Just jump higher.”
People are uncomfortable with injuries so they attack the person with the injury than the system that keeps the uninjured superior to us.
Yeah, you remember that song, right? Let anxiety take the wheel? 😆
Thats great advice... Lemme know how that goes... 😒
I'm trying so hard. But after nearly thirty years of fighting just to survive I'm so tired. They label failure to thrive for infants who are barely surviving...and it seems so incredibly fitting for what this living has become.
i haaaate this one
my mother bless her heart she really tries but she told me once to not let my abuser get the satisfaction of still controlling me now that im away from him like he knows or even cares. No one gets satisfaction. I just suffer
I don't fucking have control over it.
Ahh yes I enjoy not being able to leave bed.
Do they also recommend de-trauma camps? Would be nice since it is totally my choice to have trauma and I just don't want to stop being traumatized.
This is a kind of thing that I equate to toxic positivity and it’s so ridiculously common. It’s among the same lines as “don’t let someone make you feel angry/hurt/upset” like ???? An emotional response to something someone says or does is normal. Why the fuck is it my job to “control” my emotions? Like yeah I can control my reaction to a certain extent, but I have been controlling (aka suppressing) my emotions my entire life and I’m sick of it. I’m not going to control my emotions anymore, I’m going to accept them and allow them to exist
I was being told this for years and now I hear this shit for my chronic illnesses as well.. "Don't focus on the pain, don't pay attention to it, just live your life" yeah I wish this would be possible
Oh! So I don't ever have to talk to you again, then? Thank goodness! THAT was easy.
Oh my god, this!! I am so tired of being told not to ‘give’ something or someone ‘so much power.’ For sure, man, you caught me, I love feeling miserable and helpless.
ETA: obviously it is worth reflecting on how unhealthy ways of seeing myself serve me in some way/why I have kept them around, as a therapist recently pushed me to do - that’s the whole thing of maladaptive coping mechanisms. Not remotely the same thing as waking up and deciding you don’t want to be sad anymore!
Its nearly as good as those articles that think telling you how bad stress and loneliness are for your physical health will somehow make you up and feel better 🤣
Here’s a favorite of mine: “stop living in the past.” Uh, what the fuck do you think I’m doing all this fucking therapy for??
Stress triggers, fucking people who tell lies, narcissist fucks, disrespectful idiots, ignorant morons. Fuck them.
I (21F) recently was diagnosed with acute ptsd by my therapist whom I acquired 2 months after my trauma happened. I sadly wasn't able to see him for the past 2 months due to insurance reasons. But I'm sure I have chronic PTSD because I just can't. existing is difficult. I feel depressed and immensely hopeless most of the time. unless I'm high or around my friends or boyfriend. I cant imagine my future, im stuck in the present but I'm switching between enjoying my time with people or I'm an absolute anxious sad mess who feels like they cant have a sober moment without crying or just feeling hollow. I barely see my parents anymore and I cant talk to them because 2 of them don't know and I don't want to tell them. and the other 2 know about the trauma but my mom seems to forget and think I can just go on and do responsible adult things. and then acts like I don't care about things when she's frustrated.
sorry for the rant
I'm just so overwhelmed I'm going to see my therapist again soon hopefully but even then I dont know what I'm going to do.
thank you for reading whoever you are :)
It is a choice. A painful one. My body and head hurt constantly but I'm living a life I want to these days. The effort it takes is out of this world and I feel like crying, a lot, most of the time even. But I refuse to let the depression and anxiety beat me. I don't use my drug of choice anymore, I go to work most days, I have partner and chosen family (with some blood relatives) that I love to sepnd my time with, who also uplift me when I feel like breaking
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Lol if I could I would
Yes they do
"Happiness is a choice" so "just let it go"
yeah go f@$#% yourself.
Fuck anyone who thinks it can be fixed with toxic positivity.
Wow I never thought of this before!!!!!
lol, this post made my day.
You just need to stop feeling anxious and depressed. It's that easy
I'll let it happen if I want to, mom!
It's annoying when people say such things. If they're not doing anything to help, they should shut up and keep their expectations to themselves.
Someone told me I don't have anxiety, I deal with anxiety. I almost punched her. I don't deal with it, my life is anxiety and a series of tricks I play on my brain to keep me functioning.
This was my employer and I was only willing to share I have anxiety because it was getting obvious. No way I could tell her about CPTSD
Fucking THANK YOU. All my life friends, family have been blaming me for a life of suffering I never wanted and never chose.
I get told this all the time by other people who probably have trauma too (aka my siblings who sided with my parents in abusing me)
I haaaaate that line so much. Had a boss use that line on me once when I needed a day off because I was in a really bad, really long emotional flashback. Then she recommended I do some yoga and go to work anyway. HR lost their minds over that one!
Why didn't I think of that?
Hah!
Yeah... why don't we all just snap out of it, eh?!?
What malingering fools we (CPTSD sufferers) all are.