Read that again. You didn't do anything wrong.

I used to be religious. Whenever ruminating about my experience, I never thought of processing my shame with the lens I have now. Typically it would be "well that's what you believed so that's the standard you should be judged by."

I didn't do anything wrong when I asked questions. I didn't do anything wrong when I was sexually attracted to someone, when I saw an image of someone attractive, when I didn't go to church for a few weeks, when I felt guilty and went back.

When I was 12, I didn't do anything wrong when my parents directly asked if I had used a hobby knife on their kitchen floor (don't ask) and I was so panicked I LITERALLY COULD NOT REMEMBER even though I had done it.

I didn't do anything wrong. And neither did you. We were children trying to navigate a very confusing and traumatic experience. In my case, nothing I did was ever enough, and at the same time it was too much.

We didn't do anything wrong. Realizing this is one of the most important things that happened to me in the past decade. And I'm grateful for the amount of healing that let me realize this.