Any books? Life advice? I am struggling with paralyzing fear to fail in… well, everything. I feel so weak and cowardly
How long did it take?
To make a noticeable difference? 2 days after my first EMDR session.
I've now done 16 EMDR sessions. It's made an enormous difference, though I still have a lot to go. 14 events left on my list, and there might be some I haven't thought of.
I’ve been doing it for being abandoned at 6 months. I’ve been working on a bridge scene where I was left for months. What do you mean by your list of events? You don’t have to get it knit but do you mean new traumas or memories that still cause you like sadness?
I’ve been doing it for being abandoned at 6 months. I’ve been working on a bridge scene where I was left for months. What do you mean by your list of events? You don’t have to get it knit but do you mean new traumas or memories that still cause you like sadness?
Well, I have a lot of different traumatic events (I qualify for CPTSD and regular PTSD). Every now and then, I get flashbacks to an event that isn't on my list, and I add it.
For example, I did an EMDR session about being abused for having dysgraphia, but my dyscalculia appears to need its own session. And there's something left involving my history of medical neglect, but I don't know what.
I think failing is okay. I failed a lot you get better at it over time. Just keep trying to find some momentum even if it is small. Like brush your teeth, go to the gym, or send out a job application. I always do better when I have some kinda goal to work towards. For me there are still days that I feel lost or winge about past failures. Just don’t give up.
Honestly? Just living. I have a long way to go but I’ve reached a point where my cPTSD and I can exist side by side.
I give myself time for grief around what I’ve suffered and lost and I give myself grace when I act out due to triggers.
My trauma has shaped who I am - I’m not glad for it but I don’t resent it either. I’m learning to be okay with what happened and shape my future despite of it (and because of it).
I’m studying a degree that will allow me to help others and through that I give myself freedom and step forwards in life with the knowledge that my future career will help kids like me be okay.
I don’t know if you can ever “overcome” cPTSD but I spent today studying at my partners while he worked and I’m realising day by day that the mundane aspects of life are the most beautiful. The fact that I get to live and learn and love and do whatever the hell I want is enough for now.
Life in all its ever changing glory can be okay again.
Also lots of crying. Lots and lots of crying.
Take a look at Pete Walkers books. From surviving to thriving and the body keeps the score.
Overcome? In some ways, I'd call it more awareness of emotion and if I'm responding in response to trauma or what is actually in front of me.
A lot of medication, a lot of EMDR, and LOTS of boundaries.
I fill out the job applications but I can’t ever make my self go to the interviews 😭
TBH, I was in CBT for decades and it did very little. I finally got a therapist who specializes in trauma and she’s been working with me doing EMDR. That helps, but honestly, the game changer for me was MDMA + psilocybin therapy. It allowed me to go back into those buried deep horrible memories and walk through them in my mind, body & soul. I felt the pain, the terror, the emptiness, the confusion, & the abandonment. But I also saw things that brought me clarity & empathy. It was really hard work. It wasn’t easy. But I was able to re-write that template in my brain as an adult and embrace that little child in me. That little girl is safe now. She will never be hurt like that again or be forced to live her life in fear. She is loved. She is healing. She is secure in who she is. She knows it wasn’t her fault & she knows she didn’t deserve it. I also just finished my last ketamine infusion today (for depression & anxiety) and after two years of hard trauma work, I can honestly feel myself healing deep down from within from a lifetime of abuse.
I sincerely never thought it was possible, but it really truly is. I am finally free of those chains.
I am glad to hear of your positive results. I would love to know what providers you used.
I’m here in Northern California. My ketamine provider is at Soft Reboot in Menlo Park near Stanford Hospital. My shroom therapy is with an independent provider based out of Los Gatos
Were both administered at the same time?
Ketamine was weight based and increased with each infusion. The MDMA was given together with the psilocybin. It peaks as the other starts taking effect and they compliment well.
I heard Rick Doblin talk about giving a small amount of MDMA with Psilocybin to prevent bad trips, but it sounds like you are talking about something different.
MDMA allows empathy. It also allows you to walk through your past trauma as if you’re entering an actual physical place where the trauma actually occurred. It allows you to tap into deeply buried memories and have empathy for your self and your inner wounded child. By doing this you can resolve that trauma and recreate safer & healthier pathways in going forward.
Ive literally tried almost everything. From talk therapy, DBT, CBT, EMDR, to several medications. Nothing works. Until I finally confronted my abusers. It added a bit more trauma but I finally got the answers Ive been looking for all my life. The confirmation I needed that they are dangerous people that will do anythjng and everything to manipulate, gaslit and hurt me and my own family. After I overcame my fear from them and realizing I am capable of protecting myself now, all of sudden my fear for life seems to also slowly go away… Im actually starting to have hope.
This self compassion workbook was a good tool for me to begin the self-love and self-validation process in order to stop shaming myself of the CTPSD effects.
Finding a good therapist was also a game-changer in addition to some psychiatric medication.
I do want to forewarn, I don't think it's possible to ever fully overcome CPTSD but rather you become more self-aware and fully equipped to handle your traumatized thoughts with the resources out there. Good luck on your journey! Beginning already means you've made progress.
Parts work and IFS helped me a lot, especially in learning self compassion. I’m much less mean to myself, which helps failure be seen as an experience vs ‘I’m a garbage person’.
I tried everything and was defeated. I needed a little compassion at the right time, I couldn't get it. I tried lots of therapists and techniques but I was consistently abandoned in the moment of need.
If you want to take the risk, the only times I saw healing up close was with psychedelics, holotropic breathing and somatic techniques. But you also must be with people that are caring and trustworthy, or they can mess you up in ways you can't imagine right now. That's what happened to me. I'm starting to think the universe wants to torture me, maybe I'm dead already and this is hell.
Finding a soft place to land, meditation, yoga, trauma-based therapy and coming soon — microdosing mushrooms
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Well i mean we will always carry a little bit no matter how much better we get i am still fucked up in my sleep department and mental health department but it is getting better day after day year after year what is important to learn is how track your progress in your life where you started to where you are that way you can see if you are doing something that helps or something that damages you or something that is "helping" you by just pretending to help and put away the bad stuff in your life (hint not a good idea if you want to get better than you where dont pack your problems away or ignorere them) so yha learning the tools to check your life/yourself is a great skill that works by looking back 2-5 years in your life to where you are now taking to the ppl that helped you in the past is also a great way to confirm that you are making processes and getting better and keep trying every thing that can help you and ofc its ok to take a break from getting better if you feel like you are getting worse but the important part is getting back on the horse otherwise your progress can back track and nobody needs that You cant win in life only get better than you where
Quitting eating disorder, quitting smoking, quitting alcoholism, finding a great therapist, finding a supportive partner, reading a couple of good books on trauma, online support groups, medications, supplements, exercises…most helpful of all, going NC with the abuser…
I spent years doing nothing…
Honestly, EMDR therapy is the thing that's made by far the biggest difference for me.