I hate Mother’s Day, I hate pretending I can relate because it’s too much to go into detail about how the bitch who was supposed to love me unconditionally is (in addition to my father) the reason for my CPTSD and everything else that leaves me fighting to find reasons to stay alive. If anyone should be celebrated on Mother’s Day, it’s me. Because I’ve had to be both of my parents my whole life, and I’ve had to be her mother on top of it. That’s all. Sending love to anyone else who can relate.
Good for you for standing firm in your boundaries. And you are doing the right thing investing in your healing. You definitely shouldn’t have to fulfill your abusers’ fantasy about them being a good parent. They hurt us and they shouldn’t get to just act like they were ever parents to us on this holiday.
It's a very real reminder of something some of us missed out on. Mine worked very hard to meet my material and basic physical needs but completely absent emotionally, mentally. Just checked out. I spent my childhood crying and begging to be seen by her beyond just "You're fed and have clothes!". So I decided to pretend I didn't have emotional needs and just kept pretending until one day I was a young adult who was completely emotionally independent and closed off. And NOW I feel like on her time she now want's me to extend a part of myself she never taught me how to have with her. And everywhere you get this messaging "Mother knows best!" ew no? It's just a day to get over. We go sit in a restaurant, we have a shallow conversation about the weather and whatever and then I wait for the time to rush by so I can leave. I cannot wait to not have to do these anymore one day.
Yeah so spot on about missing out on something. It hurts so bad. My mom is similar to yours and I will also have to be faking it with her. I’ll be thinking of you. I’m so sorry we don’t deserve this at all
I'm sorry to you too! As painful as it is, I'm also grateful someone else relates. We are never alone really :) no matter what happens I hope you have a good weekend!
Actually this morning I was in a drug store and I paused to browse through the selection of Mother's Day cards. I was literally laughing out loud in the aisle reading the messaging in the greeting cards.
Stuff about "You're not only my mom, you're my best friend" or "I'm blessed to have a mother as loving and caring as you" or "Thanks for giving me such a happy childhood," etc. LOL.
The most hilarious one of all said something about "I still remember things you've said to me over the years." Like, yeah, all the times you said purposely cruel shit to me and mocked or dismissed my perfectly normal needs and wants. I do remember and it really fucked me up!
Anyway. Mother's Day has been really tough for me over the years, but today it felt good to have a good laugh about it. I'm sorry to hear that it's a challenging day for you too, but people here understand.
Aww, I’m glad you were able to find some healing in this way. I feel like I could give this a try…then again it just feels like a big reminder I’m not a part of the “has a good mother” club. Thank you for your reassurance I am not alone.
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Totally relate. Both of my “parents” too. So difficult. Such a gigantic disadvantage.
Yep, skipping it this year. I'm tired of annually having to pretend I wasn't emotionally abused every fucking week growing up and getting the person that traumatized me a card and expensive gift when I am spending thousands of dollars on therapy this year to get over their bullshit. My parents are gonna vilify me for it, they're gonna tell me I'm selfish- I don't care. I've spent this whole year undoing their psychological bullshit.