Yeah no shit. I was raped. Numerous times. And trapped. It took me years to escape. And then you told me it was my fault. That I deserved it.
The worst thing is that it's not even true, but she'll never get to see that, because we are not in contact.
Thank you, that's incredibly validating
Your sister sounds like an idiot. You're better off without people like that souring your life.
Thank you. And yes i know, but I'm convinced this came from my narcissistic dad and isn't really her. But I may never know because she still lives with him and hasn't moved out yet despite being older
I don't know how old she is, but I seriously would not tolerate anyone telling me something remotely of that nature. When I told my emotionally immature mom that I had been in an abusive relationship and been beaten and raped, she dead ass asked me if I had egged him on. That's not how safe people speak to loved ones and it's not okay. We have to vet the people we let into our inner circle- or even let remotely close to our lives at all. If they can't act like respectable people, their loss. ;)
Thank you. She is 24 and older than me so should know better. But you are completely right and it is really nice to hear that from someone who went through a similar experience. I'd be really curious to hear how you cope with it now
Hm, I'm not sure how I cope. I felt very numb when it was happening and struggled to care enough to get out. What snapped me out of it was that he kicked a dog the last time he beat me. I still don't really... feel anything. When I think back, I feel nothing. Sometimes I can feel relief that I'm not with him anymore. Sometimes I miss him and I have to remind myself logically that he's a dangerous man. It has only been a little over a year since I got away, so maybe I'm still dissociating. I've had a panicked flashback once and only a handful of nightmares about it. For the record, my CPTSD is from my childhood and adolecence, not the abusive relationship. I am worried that it'll suddenly hit me. I mean, I was completely numb to my other trauma for years and years before that hit me. So I can't really say how I cope, I'm afraid.
Wow, I can relate to this so much. My CPTSD is from my childhood and adolescence too, not my abusive ex. It's been maybe 2.5 to three years since I left him and moved away. I wouldn't really say I have CPTSD from it.
I don't know if this will help or give you any kind of insight but this was my experience:
I think I spent the first year pretending it didn't happen to me, not facing the reality of it, not letting myself think about it to the point I didn't even shower (I would have baths but be on my phone constantly so I wouldn't think). I made myself feel nothing when I was reminded of it. And then when he was brought to justice I had to confront the reality it did happen. Kind of. I blamed myself a LOT admittedly. I think it's easier to confront it happened when I blame myself. I sometimes feel like I've split down the middle from what I went through. At times it hits me really really hard, and I feel like I am completely snapping apart at the seams. And it's like I can feel the rape happening again to my body over and over. Most of the time it's like I'm the person that didn't go through it, and I keep myself so busy and productive and high functioning and then something will trigger me and bam, I'm in complete horror and terror and panic completely. But mainly when I let myself think about it in the present I just go really, really numb.
I also worry that one day it will properly hit me and I will have to actually genuinely work through it. I don't really let myself think about it nearly as much as my childhood and adolescent trauma. I feel like when I bring it up it's pretty much only in the context of my N family too.
Sorry if this is super rambly
That sounds rough as hell, I'm sorry.
I don't know if I ever blamed myself. I was already aware of my CPTSD and was reading up on it and only just starting to unravel the mess that is my psyche. So when it was happening, I was aware that the very fact I was in that situation and the fact that I felt so numb was due to trauma and stress responses. But it was so hard to do anything about it when there was neither fuel nor fire in me.
I remember when he was beating me and forcing himself, my biggest worry was other people potentially hearing and being bothered by it. Even as I was laying there, thinking I might die, my worry was not for myself. I tried to soothe the situation and calm him down by saying I was sorry over and over and to not resist. And that makes me vaguely sad. But it also doesn't feel real, and it definitely doesn't feel like that was me. More like a movie I've watched.
I still haven't reported him. I'd feel guilty for ruining his life if there were consequences. The thought of reporting him makes me feel like I'm overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing.
I'm currently seeking treatment for my CPTSD, though, and I'm planning on talking about it then.
How dare she.
What a fucking horrific thing for her to say. You are valid OP, it's not your fault
She shouldnāt have said that. The light will return. The same way that morning always returns after night.
Iām so sorry this happened to you. It was never your fault and you didnāt deserve it. Nobody deserves it or does anything to deserve it. Period. Abusive absolute piece of shit people should be held accountable. Your sister should offer support and understanding, not further abuse. Itās messed up to put blame on you and that says more about her than anything about you.
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She had no right to even say that, the fuck? šš
It sucks when the people who should be most supportive of us are ... like this.