I recently got diagnosed with C-PTSD like not even a week ago. My mom (my abuser) and I live together with our 3 dogs after my dad left over a year ago. I have the “option” to move in with him, but the quotations are put in place due to my moms relationship with him. Anyways it doesn’t matter, it isn’t much of a viable option for me.

My mom has always annoyed me, but Ive found that since getting diagnosed I can’t stand hear. Just being around her or hearing her talk on the phone makes my blood boil. I’ve found myself frequently telling my long-term boyfriend how much I despise her and wish she would get into some miserable accident or something.

Ive never been this kind of a person, ive NEVER wished death upon her. Yet in the past week ish I’ve felt more rage than I ever have towards her and find myself seeing red at simple things like her laughing too loudly on the phone. While some of things are related to behaviors she has that irk me (like typically she talks loudly when she’s drunk and she’s an alcoholic), ive never been this angry. It makes me feel like a monster.

How can I cope with this rage ? Im tired of constantly texted/saying “I hate her; I hate my mom; she’s the worst” and I fear it’s weighing on my boyfriend. I just can’t seem to get all this anger out:(