I have CPTSD and have my triggers pretty well under control.

But I have such a hard time ditching bad habits that I formed when I was very young.

For example, I work from home, which may be the problem, and wake up 5 mins before my meetings. If my meeting is at 11, I wake up five mins before. And sometimes my voice sounds groggy and I have sleep lines on my face so I have to make an excuse as to why my camera is off.

Little things like this make me feel like a POS. I have habits of a 5 year old who’s given no obedience. I was raised like that so it makes sense lol. When I was 5, I could eat anything I wanted, I slept when my parents slept, I.e late in the night. My mom would sleep in in the mornings sometimes, so I would too. I was always late in elementary school and high school. Etc etc.

Anyways. I’m struggling now. I was diagnosed with OCD so I’m on meds and see a therapist. But it’s not enough. My self confidence and pride is shot. I hate myself and all my bad habits. I try and try and try AND TRY to wake up early, but nothing’s helping. I’m just a piece of 💩

It’s so difficult to rewrite my decades of bad habits. What can I do???