Does anyone else crave abusive/toxic relationships?

I can relate and the thing is most abusive / toxic relationships are not abusive all the time, you have good moments with them too.. thats what makes it so addictive and hard to get out of them because you crave the highs and lows. I think what youre drawn to is the excitement and the ups and downs.

answer: insecure attachment style

You tend to want to go with what’s familiar to you, so if you grew up with toxic parents you find toxic relationships feel like home. This is all subconscious thou. Read up on attachment theory!!

The only person I ever truly became infatuated with was deeply disturbing for my sexual trauma and that was possibly the reason I liked them. I think we crave abusive and toxic relationships in cycles of desperation or self-neglecting the very acknowledgement that those relationships are bad. But you live and you learn. I grew out of a very toxic infatuation with said person after time and again revisiting that pattern with them. I knew they were bad for me, but I always went back. Possibly because they were bad for me and I had very low self-esteem when it came to them particularly. A few years later, I have fully blocked the person from my life and barely ever think about them. They helped me acknowledge how my childhood sexual abuse manifests in my relationships and conception of sex currently. And once I built enough self respect to want to nurture and safeguard my body, I lost respect for that relationship and what it did for my brain/body/trauma. It means nothing to me now, but it took years to break out of the cycle so it’s by no means an easy or instantaneous process. I think it also depends a lot on where you are in life in terms of age and occupation etc.

I wish I had your insight at 21. I destroyed my life with toxic/love relationships. My first wife stole everything I ever worked leaving bme bankrupt. My second partner did the same. Both were very broken people too. Both masters at deception and manipulation. Now I am trapped, broke and cannot get away.

Please be cautious. That inner part that craves that abuse is sick and will harm you in ways you cannot imagine. The pain will be epic and undeserved.

I USED to attract that. But now I'm in the healthiest relationship I've ever had with my fiancee. I would NEVER go back.

I think destructive, toxic, mean and otherwise abusive men and relationships is my addiction. When I realized that, I could get more in control and not go down those roads, but I have noticed that when life gets tough, that is my coping mechanism. It has gotten very much better over the years, with a lot of therapy and self awareness, but it has me questioning if I ever can have a relationship without it turning bad again. It's not that I want it to be, it's like you say, a craving, addiction or something. 

Read the book “getting the love you want” and read on imago theory, you will know why you crave abusive relationships

Lovebombing is my kryptonite. My last two relationships were with girls that moved too fast, lovebombed me, were sweet and understanding at first, then a flip switch, always around the 3 month mark. It feels like a drug, the validation, the affection, the amazing sex. That's not love, it's infatuation. It took me 30 years to realise the difference.

I have always craved compassion in relationships and almost never found it.

I have know a number of people who feel like you do the best way I can relate to it is to recognize that despite what I want I often end up in the same position they do.

They are familiar

That craving is a symptom of a more fundamental craving. If you focus on a symptom more than a root issue, you'll just blindly spin your wheels 

Chaos gets comfortable when you get used to it

I did until I worked through the childhood trauma with my parents. Now I don't anymore. The spell is broken. Toxic people are insecure, not attractive. Empathy and self-awareness are true strength.

Hell no.

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If you look back on all my major relationships.. you just described them.. but I now recognize that, and have better boundaries.

I’m way more alone now though..

sometimes. watching corny reality shows like “love is blind” (especially the new season that just came out on netflix) is helpful LOL 😂 honestly watching that show reminds me of my first “real” relationship and it’s driving me wild i need to vent about it

spoiler incase anyone hasn’t seen/plans to watch Spoiler i can’t wait to see the next episode lmao this shit gets me fired up but i’m so glad im not living it anymore 😅

definitely would rather be single and lonely, than be dealing with some bullshit like that again

I can relate but I would still not put it in those exact terms. But this is a very common experience.

A lot of the time, my thinking follow similar patterns. I look down on men who are meek because I associate it with cold heartedness. People who do harm through being passive, and not holding others accountable. So I end up gravitating to men who have the same traumatic backgrounds as me who seem more likely to speak up.

You should watch Jay Reid's videos about children's need for protection. If you weren't protected, it leaves a wound and you might seek it out but make demands of men who are unempathetic and will subject you to abuse themselves.

Look up information on narcissistic enablers, narcissistic agents, trauma bonding, and healthy parenting. I find that the issues I'm trying to resolve have to do with that type of thing. Wanting validation of having been wronged. I think you can become hostile yourself or want to partner up with someone who expresses hostility.

Also learning about the basics on healthy relationships will help you discern what real assertiveness looks like. Kids need understanding, not just someone willing to act out in violence.

Probably abusive and toxic is what you know. Having a partner like that would mean: a) you have it because you want it, not because the world forced you (unlike past situations you lived), b) you know these kind of people so you understand what’s going on. In the end, it’s all about feeling in control of the situation because you couldn’t control it in the past. A caring and loving partner sounds good, but it’s unknown territory.

Look up repetition compulsion and trauma bonding.

To me it sounds like you want the new caring relationship OR the toxic relationship that you are used to. I think that’s normal because we tend to gravitate towards what we know and are comfortable with. Do you want to be in a relationship like how you were raised? Or do you want to have a new healthy relationship?

Just because you don’t get physically abusive and violent or dominant doesn’t mean your behavior and the way you relate to others isn’t toxic or abusive. According to your other posts it does sound like you are tbh. possessive, probably(emotionally) manipulative, looking for unhealthy relationships. Go. To. Therapy. That’s not how things should be. Seriously!

Just because you don’t get physically abusive and violent or dominant doesn’t mean your behavior and the way you relate to others isn’t toxic or abusive. According to your other posts it does sound like you are tbh. possessive, probably(emotionally) manipulative, looking for unhealthy relationships. Go. To. Therapy. That’s not how things should be. Seriously!

Just because you don’t get physically abusive and violent or dominant doesn’t mean your behavior and the way you relate to others isn’t toxic or abusive. According to your other posts it does sound like you are. possessive, probably (emotionally) manipulative, looking for unhealthy relationships. Go. To. Therapy. That’s not how things should be. It’s neither good for yourself nor for others. Seriously!

Just because you don’t get physically abusive and violent or dominant doesn’t mean your behavior and the way you relate to others isn’t toxic or abusive. According to your other posts it does sound like you are. possessive, probably (emotionally) manipulative, looking for unhealthy relationships… Red flags! Go. To. Therapy. That’s not how things should be. It’s neither good for yourself nor for others. Seriously!

Just because you don’t get physically abusive and violent or dominant doesn’t mean your behavior and the way you relate to others isn’t toxic and abusive! According to your other posts it does sound like you are tbh. possessive, probably (emotionally) manipulative, looking for unhealthy relationships… Red flags everywhere! Go. To. Therapy. That’s not how things should be. It’s neither good for yourself nor for others. Seriously!

Just because you don’t get physically abusive and violent or dominant doesn’t mean your behavior and the way you relate to others isn’t toxic and abusive! According to your other posts it does sound like you are tbh. possessive, probably (emotionally) manipulative, looking for unhealthy relationships… Red flags everywhere! Go. To. Therapy. That’s not how things should be. It’s neither good for yourself nor for others. Seriously!