If I have to wake up early, ie: 7am, I cannot sleep the night before and feel intense anxiety… I start to fall asleep and am automatically jolted awake by my subconscious in lightning flashes of terror. I can go days without sleeping, and my days are filled with dread.
If I have to get up early for weeks on end, for jobs or what have you, I go crazy and can’t do it.
Does anyone else find having to get up early is an intense trigger for their CPTSD?
Yes, exactly - I very much feel the same! Still looking for those other options myself, that don’t trigger my CPTSD in other ways as well.
If you don’t mind mentioning, what are the aspects of work that you find triggering?
Too many to mention right now, but I may get back to you on this! 🙏
This is an actual thing called delayed sleep phase disorder, you may want to look into it over at r/DSPD
Thank you for this.
Does it correlate to cPTSD?
Omg me too!!!
Yeah I absolutely have this too. It's horrible. I think it stems from when I had to keep getting up for highschool while severely depressed, with no emotional vadlidation from the outside world about my struggles, and also no awareness at the time either because mental illness was so taboo.
I totally agree - that getting up for school conditioning was brutal. I’m sorry for what you have been through.
Brutal for sure and very ableist.
Sorry to you also. Sending some healing vibes your way!
Dang that makes sense - the highschool mornings might be something I have to reflect on for my own story. Thank you!
For me as well. I’m asd with cptsd and I’ve always been drawn to the quiet hush of extreme early mornings.
I’m also prone to anxiety insomnia if something is planned for the next day. For example a typical night before a therapy appt is waking up extra early at 1am, be awake a couple hours, then fall back asleep for a nap before waking up again for a late morning appt. I’ve learned that I can’t count on being functional too early even though I woke up hours ahead of time.
This is the same for me. That last paragraph makes complete sense to me now. Even as a kid I would set my alarm for 5am so I could read my books uninterrupted, and not be bullied into doing something else.
Absolutely all this! I will also gladly wake up earlier to fit in my me-time rather than the evening. Over the last few years living with my partner and his daughter, I notice that if I get interrupted during this early morning time, it's really triggering as well. There was a good period during middle school though where I went to bed at 8pm and woke up at 3:30-4 to read and do my homework and it felt THE BEST.
ohhh that makes a lot of sense!! i used to go out into the living room once everyone was asleep and watch horror movies on the lowest volume setting and just... chill with myself from like 3-6 am as a preteen, and that became a huge comfort for me. in turn, for me that probably explains why i'm so conditioned to stay up that late and don't naturally get tired until sunrise. it just felt so much nicer to me than the schedule i was supposed to be on, and i guess doing that during your formative years will do that to you. lol
Yeap, or night, no one want anything through the night and I can do all I want.
Thank you for explaining this. It's been years of different therapists, and I've never heard this.
so interesting, i relate except the opposite way, because i cannot get up early, but if i'm feeling depressed or have pms it's so much harder and the morning/daytime depression is like concrete trying to work through. Then, magically between 330pm-4pm or so, I feel the fog lift and life isn't so hopeless anymore. It's obviously a chemical feeling, but it's absolutely wild how intense and convincing both feelings are
My mother (the main abuser) was an early bird, so the best time for me was midnight-4 am. I felt safe when everyone else was asleep.
Wait, is this a CPTSD thing? I've had this forever and have no idea what causes it. School was miserable because I had to get up at 6 or 7 every morning and the inability to relax and sleep didn't go away over time, so I spent my childhood and teens extremely sleep deprived.
I have to do a chant every day when I set my alarm..
"I need to wake up at 5:30am to leave by 6:30am to get to work by 7:30am to start at 8am"
Otherwise it just doesn't make sense to my brain.
Yep and I won't sleep
SAME!
Omg if I know I have to get up early I just lay there counting how many more hours till I have to get up and how much sleep I'll get if I sleep right now, what happens if I over sleep, how bad is it if I am late, what all I have to do to get ready, why can't I sleep...it's really bad and I get like 2-3 hours of very bad sleep. I totally thought this was not common for cptsd people. I hate I am not alone in this .
Yess me too. I can barely get quality sleep as it is but when I have to move it earlier, it really mucks everything up. I jolt awake too and I am often just rolling around in bed. Like I don't even need an alarm because I will just be so anxious and jolt awake already. I generally have the same wake up time.
Thank you I had no idea anyone else in the world experienced this
Yes I am very unstable in the early morning. I seldom get angry but I cry extremely easily. Its like aww such a cute sandwhich. If I must get up early I get very anxious.
YES. I don't know why, but it fills me with an intense dread.
YES SO MUCH. The thought of having to wake up early panics me so much. My heart races and my mind won’t shut up. Sleep meds don’t even help.
Me too! It’s awful.
Me! I wake up naturally quite early anyway, after 5 years of forcing myself into a healthy sleep routine, but the days where I need to be up early (usually when I'm seeing my son) I fall apart. I think it's the pressure of knowing I have to fall asleep, and have to be awake at a certain time, its too much for me to cope with and I end up getting lost in my own head.
Yeah, it has more or less destroyed my entire life. I have been trying to solve this for years and have avoided real jobs because of this.
I’m so sorry. Sending you much Love and strength, and wishing you only that which brings you peace and happiness.
Sending you love as well 🤝❤️🩹
I can totally relate, my friend. Thanks for sharing - you’re not alone.
💖🤝
As terrible as that is, I'm glad to see someone share this issue because I've always felt like I'm just undisciplined.
Yup. I go to sleep anxious and wake up anxious. I also wake up angry, which is not a great way to start the day. I work at 8, which isn’t that early to a lot of people, but it makes me want to rage.
My parents used to wake me up for school by shouting. If I didn’t get up right away, they’d hit me or my brother would pour water on my face. Idk if that’s the culprit, but I’ve never been able to wake up early very easily. I noticed now some schools are starting later, which I think would’ve made a world of difference in my childhood and academia.
I’m so sorry for what you had to survive with family in mornings. That is awful. I have lesser but similar triggers. Also, working at 8am would not be do-able for me - I would wake up angry too. 💚
Yup.
It’s funny because I was a morning person for all of my school life, but since then I’ve flipped to becoming nocturnal if I don’t have to keep a work schedule. I always assumed it stemmed from my parent dying in the morning when I was supposed to be getting ready for school my last year. Wish I had solutions for it
This used to happen to me when my childhood trauma all manifested. What helped me was breathwork as I went to sleep, I also listened to waterfall music (I’m a water lover) which helped me so much with my anxiety. I still do breathwork and it’s rare that I have the jolting or much disturbed sleep now for over two years
Yes. Surges of adrenaline and near panic. This morning just dread, as I am currently medicated to the hilt.
This!! I thought it was just a me problem 😭
Yes me it is the worst, you are not alone
Is this a CPTSD thing?? I'm definitely working through this right now :) (5.30 am start today!)
How strange, it’s the exact opposite for me! OP, it’s like you took my circumstances and replaced the word “late” with “early!”
Seriously, I am incapable of sleeping in. It doesn’t matter if stayed up until 3am and don’t have anything to do until 7pm the next day. No matter what happens, my body refuses to let me sleep later than 6am.
However, my sleep being terrorized and my unconscious vulnerability being exploited is a big source of my trauma.
It comes as no surprise that, on the nights that I’m lucky and my live-in GF stays at her parents house or a friends house, and I’m completely (and safely) alone, I knock out like a goddamn rock.
Opposite for me. I have pleasant memories from childhood waking up early and enjoying the quiet mornings with my grandparents while they drink coffee and listen to oldies. But that’s probably why. I’m guessing something or some things have occurred during your life centering around early morning waking or schedule that are the culprit here. It sounds like it’s very frustrating for you. I’m sorry.
Opposite for me. I get super anxious when I wake up late.
What time do you wake up ?
I usually wake up 4 to 6 am. When I wake up past 7, I get worried. At 8 or 9, I get worried.
What time you go to bed ?
10 to 12 midnight. Sometimes 1.
Oh, try to sleep earlier.
I definitely experience this and hate hate hate early mornings and avoid them at all costs unless I have to be up ie a medical procedure or trave (which I almost never do), etc. I do think some of the stressing about having to get up is managed with my anxiety meds but the truth is I have to basically knock myself out each night with sleep meds to avoid all the nighttime awfulness so that's a major factor in why I don't constantly wake up checking the phone being convinced I'll miss the alarm etc. So between anxiety meds and, frankly, dissociating enough to force myself to get through it, I'll do it if I have to. And I end up either ruminating a lot, because I didn't have the time to chill and process my weird-ass (or frightening) dreams, and then completely blocking out all feelings until I can crash asap afterwards. I absolutely burn out having to do it for work and cannot handle "other" parts of life outside of the focus of getting up, work, survive. I absolutely need a slow wake up, need to process things for a little bit in the morning, I need to assimilate to the world and the sheer fact that I exist in it.
Also I will be tired all day and then feel wonderful in the late afternoon/ evening and can focus, get things done, etc.
Yes, absolutely need a slow wake up and time to go slowly - nothing more stressful and makes me feel anger than being rushed in the morning.
Yes omg!!! I’m a bartender but as I have been healing I’ve been trying to find healthier work. I started at a factory just before Covid and my start time was 7am. I cried EVERY day in the shower from stress and not being able to wake up. I was fine once I quit. 9 am seems to be an acceptable start time for my brain but waking up at 5:30 to be somewhere at 7 made me start shutting down mentally.
I totally hear you and can relate. Glad you listened to your needs and send you much encouragement to continue listening to and honoring your needs. 💚
Yes. Thank you. I lose sleep over worrying about having to wake up early to the alarm and it’s night and day the difference between how much progress I make in life during the summer vs the school year (kid is in school)
you're not alone. this has been a problem for me to the point it was a major contributing factor in me dropping out of high school repeatedly. i literally COULDN'T bring myself to show up on time outside of rare occasions. i don't think i'd ever be able to work on a "normal" (9-5) schedule and that seriously limits my career options... but i also probably have narcolepsy on top of cptsd complications so that. does not exactly help. lol
Literally the story of my life OP. The only time I can sleep is if something is extremely important to me. Like it really matters to me. Then I usually get ready for bed 3h earlier than I usually do and my whole day is based around going to bed earlier. But otherwise I'm a total mess.
Exactly!
Yes. I keep tossing and turning until it's dawn and by the time I make it to place I'm supposed to be at I'd be so exhausted and disoriented. Having insomnia on top of it makes things worse.
Yes yes yes! It destroys me. I recently started a new job and have to get up at 6am to be there on time. Ive barely slept since beginning this job and my mental health is declining fast. If I do fall asleep for a few mins here and there I always have nightmares.
I used to think, because most people told me, that I would "get used to it eventually." Well, I am almost 40 and not a damn thing has changed. It is devastating to me when I know I must get up and be anywhere before, say, 10am.
I fully hear you and agree. Sending much Love and peace to you 💚
Starting work at 8 am is, as far as I am informed, tied into the industrial revolution - the machines needed attendance, so the factory owners needed people to be there on time at 8 am. And so, it became a standard for the perfect worker. .... Way before that, our ancestors (I am told) needed someone to be awake during the night to guard the fire. (And maybe watch out for dangers?) ... I suspect there can be two issues with this: One is the attempt to FORCE you to adapt to what is basically someone else's needs. And since we are moving away from an industry based society and onto an information and/or service based society, the need to start working at 8 should be obsolete. But for some reason it happens very slowly (I know service cannot be at random hours, but many jobs can.)
The other is, that you may have the genes of a fire watcher.
....
Another note is, that science says that teenagers should not have to get up until 10 am in order to.function optimally. But schools still start at 8 am.
...
So in conclusion: It's not necessarily you, it's them.
Sorry for the lack of "bridges" in the text. I'm too tired to make them right now.
ETA: I sometimes struggle to get up early, and sometimes wake up at 6-ish. It is very much tied.into my stress levels (the more stress, the more of a night owl I am), and possibly also the time of year.
Yes, I very much feel it’s due to the stress of having to wake up and “act”, or not be fully myself in order to conform to certain standards or expectations - whether they are real or perceived - that are based in that 9-5 life.
: One is the attempt to FORCE you to adapt to what is basically someone else's needs
That's how many relationships are. Spouses forcing each other's needs on the other party.
Yip
I find this if I have something I’m more anxious about the next morning - a test, an exam, an interview, a presentation, meeting with my boss. What I’m trying right now is some parts work to talk to the part of me that is ramping up the anxiety and in emergency mode and just try to see if she can see that these aren’t like family situations where I would be laughed at and ridiculed or abused, point out how much better these things go when I have had some sleep, and ask her if she can trust me (and my alarm) enough to let me sleep and see how that goes.
I find the need to be anywhere at any specific time an intense trigger. Mainly because I’m so afraid of messing up that the concept of being late makes me spiral.
I actually prefer having to work early; even though much like you described it means I mainly just won’t sleep, I cannot get ANYTHING done before I have to be somewhere at a specific time. I get stuck in these exhausting reminder thought loops: “have to be at work by 3, which means I need to leave by 1:30, which means I have to have showered and eaten and x y z by 1:15ish…” and it stresses me out so much that I freeze. Stop thinking about all of it. Lay there comatose. Then 30 minutes later jolt awake and start again with “ok so I have to be at work by 3, which means…”
At least when I work early shifts I can force myself to do some things if I’m already out and no longer have the pressure of a deadline to finish or be somewhere. It’s why I’m really starting to understand that I just need a long term break but lol who has the money for that 🙃
I have the same problem. Always thought it is linked to when I had to wake up early to go to school, which is where my first traumatic experiences happened in a long period of time.
Yes very much so. It gives me the worst sleep and so much anxiety.
I also find even though I get up early. It still takes me a couple of hours to start functioning.
I feel that way whenever I have some kind of appointment -- doesn't matter what time of day the appointment is. I've literally lied in bed for the entire time I should have been asleep and only gotten 1-2 hours because I had to do something later the next day.
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I have the opposite, I freak out if I sleep in too late.
I'm the same, I know I have to sleep a lot and my meds make me groggy in the morning so I go to sleep and wake up earlier than I need so I don't have to rush and stress and get anxious
Nope. But ask me to stay up past maybe 10 or 11 and we are throwing hands
I went years, trying to work a 9-5 job, having to get up at 6 or 7, and living with horrendous anxiety and depression. Since working for myself I sleep what i need to as much as I can and am rarely as bad. But if i do have to get up early for something, bang, its back. Ive also learnt a lot about dopamine and serotonin which cycle through the day and night. If i wake early im at the wrong part of the cycle and feel crap. I take l tyrosine now to help boost things, occasionally 5htp too if im blue.
Exactly. I did years of work I didn’t like, early mornings, stress, plus the whole decades-of-school thing. Like you, I now work for myself and sleep what I need to. But if I have to get up early for something, especially if it’s work/responsibility/something I don’t want to do, it’s right back. I’ve taken the 5htp too.
Sometimes.
I do better when my life is better in balance, like not a lot of commitments, enough money that I’m not stressed about paying bills, etc. and when maintaining/keeping up with my life feels more fluid and natural. When I’m in that state, I usually am asleep before 10p/22h, sometimes by 8p/20h, and awake sometime between 4a/4h and 6a/6h and it’s not stressful or triggering to do that and it’s actually enjoyable.
But, the more my needs aren’t met, if I’m perpetually stressed, have work with a lot of deadlines, the more unnatural my lifestyle or living situation is for me, etc., the harder it is for me to get to sleep and then to wake up as I need to. When I’m in that state, I’m often not able to get to sleep until between 2a/2h and 8a/8h and may not wake up until late morning or early afternoon and then I often feel like my whole day is shot, which compounds the issue.
Exactly. I so hear you.
I don't mind waking up that early on my own... but for work, sometimes I do jolt awake thinking I could have possibly missed my alarm and will be late (or yelled at and I don't want that)... and it just makes my heart race like I'm about to throw it up. I hate it.
I get insanely triggered if I have to wake up before dawn. I have so many bad memories associated with waking up early to make my abuser happy.
This is a HUGE trigger for me. I've worked hard af for when I wake. I deliberately force calm, and specific breathing exercises, and not jump out of bed, hurt self while doing so not to harm myself with an anxious feeling freak out upon waking.
I have a hell of a time with super early appointments., imaging being done at that time, or having to go to work. Yesterday I had to be up early. And when I did close eyes I'd nod for a minute and snap awake again. Maybe a half hour of nodded sleep... yeah not really sleep though. Add in the multiple emergency surgeries, and voila! I'm wide awake and sleeping less than 2 hrs a morning. Not night.
And I can now say after 2 yrs of diligent adherance to the 'wake up and keep calm' inner work has become, for the most part, not forced to remember the steps to start, and has become just a part of my day now.
But every once in a while, under extreme stress, things change. Unfortunately, recently I woke up in that triggered anxious state. And within the first minute of eyes open, I am currently able to recognize it for what it is, and get myself back into the proper place of a not anxious state.
It's been a ton of work. But I'm glad to have pursued this goal and now see it in action.
Yes! I cannot make appointments or plans or work because I cannot sleep if I have a predetermined wake time. I'll dreadfully clock watch all night and fall asleep shortly before I have to wake up and then I cannot wake myself. It's been this way my whole life. I refuse appointments before noon but wow you can bet they try to force and guilt them on me. NO! Give me the last appt. of the day at 4pm. I'll still struggle to get there! 😭
Every day that I have work I wake up with massive anxiety. But on the weekends or days off I'm fine.
Yes, that’s why I work third and second shift jobs
Yep! I'm a morning person, but every morning I have to get through the paralysing anxiety to let my soul be shiny. I think its definitely a hypervigilence thing, subconscioisly thinking I will wake up to the dangerous world and dangerous people. Sometimes I have triggering nightmares even if I don't remember them and they leave their residue in my mood the next morning. I used to also dread mornings as a child due to the people and conditions I used to wake up in. I'm sorry you struggle too, I've tried to improve it by setting a comforting morning routine (cereal, blankets and sometimes watch the simpsons, or do yoga and have a bath, makes me feel safe and look foward to waking up.) Hypervigilence healing has also helped me to come down from the anxiety much quicker!
Absolutely, hypervigilance. I like how you give yourself things to look forward to. Thank you for sharing 💚
Yes. I am not working in a job at the moment, I'm working on going self employed and studying. When I had jobs in the past, waking up early used to make me feel absolutely horrible, really depressed. I found having a job that started at midday til 7pm a lot better. I think asking for later hours is a good adjustment to ask for in a job if it helps you cope with it better.
I thought it was just me!
Getting up for work is fine for me but getting up earlier is always anxiety inducing
Yes, I started using alcohol to regulate my sleep schedule because otherwise, I would have been fired years ago. I stopped once I got a 10-7 but I'm still frequently late.
I feel like my anxiety is well-founded, though. I have slept through alarms, fire alarms, even earthquakes. I have to have people knock on my door or call me and ask me questions until I wake up, or I will just hang up and fall back to sleep.
Also, I will fall asleep sitting up, but I'm wide awake as soon as I get in bed. Wtf is that?
CPTSD is one wild beast. Thanks for sharing and I hear you. Much Love to you 🙏💚
Yep. I have an exemption at work that lets me set my own hours. My employer doesn’t love it, but they understand, and my job is something that I can do remotely and without set hours. It makes me miss meetings but it’s better than being completely nonfunctional and not being able to do my work tasks at all.
Good for you, setting your boundaries and limits, and doing what’s best for you. I admire that very much. Do you mind me asking what you do for work?
It’d rather not just for privacy. It’s something that is conventionally a 9-5 desk job, but can be WFH if your employer isn’t as asshole about it; especially after the pandemic. High skilled college-educated knowledge work for a big boring company, that can be done mostly in isolation on a computer.
Thanks for sharing all that, it gives me a great idea without divulging private details. I asked only because I am looking for work and thinking about what I could do. Thanks again!
Yes. (she says, having just gotten up early to get to work...)
Well, it's less triggering now that I just accept that I won't actually sleep much before going to work. Tonight I've slept from around 4 am to around 7.30. There will be naps in my future. But I have gone through exactly what you describe.
I've always been a night owl, and much of the abuse from my mother was centered around this. She's always been an early bird, and could never accept that I was different. While dad usually was the one who got me up for school, mom also wanted me up early during the weekend, and was pretty cruel about it. So I guess that's part of the issue now.
A little late here, but cortisol levels are highest early in the morning and lowest in the evening and at night (because that's how the body wakes itself up or lets you fall asleep). If you have anxiety issues, that early morning spike can be really unpleasant and triggering, so you can avoid it by waking up later in the morning (I used to do this all the time). It makes sense that if you have to get up early, you unconsciously begin to dread that cortisol spike, and it becomes its own anxiety loop.
Me too! Having to get up earlier than 9am or 10am for work is hellish for me. On my days off I get up around noon. I think some people have a different circadian rhythm. I never have energy to do things early in the day, it’s always after 2pm or so that I get my energy. Whole career paths are completely closed off to me because I realized that I just cannot do that early morning schedule. Thankfully there are some work/career options that aren’t totally tied to the 9-5 schedule.