Boomer couldn't comprehend that my husband is Asian... even though I'm Asian

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“I was surprised by your wife too, I had assumed you were all cousin fuckers”

He couldn’t comprehend the fact that not all Asian women dream of marrying a fat old white man lol

They fetishize Asian women to the point that they genuinely believe every Asian woman wants to marry a white man… delusional

Pure fetishist. These white guys with the "Asian Fixation" are creepy.

It's part of their worldview. In America, Asian people get hyper-feminized stereotypes -- with Asian men depicted as wimps and Asian women depicted as submissives.

Paper: "Feminized Asians and Masculinized Blacks: The Construction of Gendered Races in the United States"

Wonder if they’re mail order brides or war brides.

My husband is Vietnamese and will have boomers coming up to him, ask if he’s Filipino, and when he corrects them, they reassure him that his is in fact Filipino. 🥴

Not just a boomer thing - I once got accused of trolling because my mom is white and my dad is Asian, and the millennial I was talking to refused to believe that such couples exist. He was also expecting me, as a half-Asian woman, to fall down at his white male feet ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Are you Chinese or Japanese? I'm Laotian.

I have a couple of friends; one is Asian (adopted so she grew up here) and her husband is white.

Once, they were at a train station and she walked away to buy a soda or something, and an older white guy came up to my friend (the white guy): "I also have one, they're so nice and timid" or something like that.

It's so absolutely fucked up the way their minds work. He just assumed that my friend had an Asian wife because she's "nice and timid". Although she is incredibly nice, she's definetly not timid and the boomer was lucky she wasn't around to hear him; her husband is much more timid.

Half dude here with Vietnamese mom and white American boomer dad: yeah, your experience checks out.

As an odd note from my own experiences (I am young Gen X, a few years older than an elder Millenia), I do on occasion get approached by boomer Asian men who are married to white women, who see me with my wife (who is white), and get a friendly "thanks for breaking the stereotype."

There was a discussion on another sub a while back about appropriate age differences and power dynamics in relationships. This one guy started trying to bait people into arguing by saying things like, "my wife is 30 years younger than me and I control all the finances. Do you think that's a power imbalance?"

I checked his profile and he was most active in a sub specifically for older men getting young brides from Asian countries. The tone and comments were utterly disgusting.

Yeah it sounds like boomers with white savior complex or mail order brides, or both.

I work at a retail store with a large beauty department. Often I see older white men with a younger Asian woman. Almost every time a couple like this comes in the man will flag down an associate and it's usually something like "my wife doesn't speak much English, but I think she's looking for xyz, can you help"

Like, the men are pretty decrepit and not silver foxes. I try to spend extra time with the women and suggesting products while the husband just takes there silently. Always so weird

My white sister's husband is Chinese (in Vancouver, not really an uncommon couple). But their boomer neighbor assumed that he's an EXCHANGE STUDENT living with my sister. It's the craziest thing. He's 36. Their daughter is the whitest looking baby ever for some reason, so I guess that's something approaching a flimsy excuse.

I’m a white woman married to a Korean American man. We have a son who is pretty clearly hapa. Three times now when I’ve been out with my son white boomer ladies have asked me where I “got” my son, usually followed by “he’s so cute and my son/daughter/whoever is thinking of adopting.” And then I have to be like “I made him myself. My husband helped a little.” After that two of them apologized and got quiet. One had the balls to say “but he’s Asian…” And it’s like, take a minute and fucking puzzle it out, Susan.

I always felt bad for the young Asian women with the fat old ugly white men but it seems to be a common theme

I guarantee you he had friends lined up ready to dazzle you with their fat old bodies, irrelevant cultural taste, and American citizenship.

Got a friend in his late 20s thinking all asian women are into white male. He thought he would become very popular if he moved to Asia.

Many of them served the Vietnam War and have a fetish that the Asian prostitutes at the time truly wanted them when it was just an economical thing for the ladies to get out of poverty. Sickening that white male boomers now think they're heros and all Asian women want them. When I'm bored I read the Pattaya sub reddit just to roll my eyes.

Yellow fever at work.

So many white dudes blatantly fetishize easten asian and pacific islander woman its not even surprising to me anymore. When I was in middle school, I lived in the middle of nowhere. Very white student body, some African American or Hispanic kids, but no Asian kids when to our school, until a Chinese girl moved to our district. When I tell you the boys acted fucking rabid. It was ridiculous, my "boyfriend" broke up with me immediately cause Chou was his "dream girl" several fights occurred, she was asked out several times a day for the first week, once every boy had taken his shot things calmed down, but it was insane. Chou Chou and I ended up becoming close friends, to be fair she is like perfect in every way but the way the dudes acted was kind of scary.

“Lucky guy” always means they wanna get with you.

You should have asked how his daughter was doing. Say you assumed he adopted her.

Fetishizing Asian women and emasculating Asian men seems to be a hobby of theirs.

Boomers and Asian women😬. The thing that gets me laughing is somehow boomers and boomer minded people assume Asian women are docile and will wilt.

Worked at a chinese restaurant with lots of white boomer clientele. Yellow fever comments were nonstop. My personal fave? “Are you from Japan? I went to Japan once.” 🤮🤮 and the amt of white moms that would tell us incessantly about their sons’ asian fetishes…. 😭

A lot of folks believe in the white male savior concept. The colonizer who's come to save the Asian woman from the bad, misogynistic and sexist, smaller Asian man. They believe that White men are inherently more progressive (even though it was primarily white men who elected a sexist president). And then they teach us this lie, causing us Asian men and Asian women to believe that White men are just inherently better (also, a hundred plus years of this, with beauty standards, work in their favor). And that creates biases that favor white men, enabling white male privilege, upholding the white male hegemony.

Every time this topic comes up, I can't help but think this is the long-lasting impact of Western imperialism.

When my husband worked in Vietnam as a teacher all his white friends married or dated Vietnamese girls who spoke really bad English and were way out of their league. My husband said that it is called sex tourism and is very common in Vietnam.

My gf is a Pacific Islander and I had a guy say to me while we were out say “oh you have an Asian fetish!” I responded with “no she has a Cuban fetish.”

I (white) was dating a Japanese woman, the amount of older white men who pulled me aside and told me how lucky I was was nauseating

I love how they find women liking K-Pop men as a direct attack on their sexuality.

Omg he’s one of those “my wife is (insert Asian) too” boomers 🙄

Those are your typical white creepy boomers who bought and imported their wives from poor southeast asian countries. They were unable to find a partner here due to their creepiness so they resorted to that.

If they had been born later, they would be your typical sex doll user.

I'm seeing more and more white older men marrying Asian women in my area. Most of them look old while the ladies are young. Even my brother married an Asain lady from Hong Kong two years ago who's a year older than him. When asked by our mother where they meet, my brother tells a different story every time. Slipped up and told our youngest brother they met on an Asian dating site.

This is WILD, and I 100% believe it.

They have a fetish for Asian women, but look down on the men as not worthwhile. He will never understand that your husband is more desirable than he because he thinks wealthy white men are the pinnacle. He probably also feels entitled and like he is the prize all Asian women would want. So you shook his worldview.

Omg this! Sorry this happened to you OP! I know how annoying this crap is and how common these preconceived notions still are. The assumptions are totally based on which region of Asia you look like you’re ethnically from too! I appreciate hearing your side of things because I have the opposite but equally problematic Asian woman experience around perceived “husbands” too and who is or isn’t one. Both of our experiences stem from the same limiting belief systems in the person doing the perceiving.

It’s infuriating. I’m the type of Asian that if there’s another person of the same ethnicity anywhere in the vicinity (like in the same room or place of business), they immediately assume he’s my husband regardless of anything else (like age or visible interaction)! Like we do have fathers, cousins, uncles, brothers too, or are two absolute strangers. Not every nearby male of my ethnicity that I’m usually not even interacting with is my husband. When I was a teenager, Boomers always assumed my dad is my husband and when I corrected them they would say something like “well you never know in your culture.” I’m Canadian btw, just ethnically Asian lmao. Another time, as a teenager, someone assumed my Black boss (who was in his 50’s) was my husband too for the same reasons. It’s wild and it happens a lot. The issue of the perceived “husband.”

In another instance, I was in line for a passport photo and there happened to be a random dude of the same ethnicity in front of me. In no way were the guy and I interacting, not looking at each other, not standing close, ZERO interaction, then the photographer comes over and asks if we are together so we both say no. Then the photographer only continues speaking to the man and says “okay so you two are definitely not together right?”…

Another time, while on a business trip, I was seated on a plane next to a random dude who looked like he has a similar ethnicity to me (again zero interaction between him and I) and while he was sleeping, the flight attendant brought around snacks and asked me what I think he might prefer to which I said “I’m not sure, I don’t know him….” There were a couple instances of communication with that same flight attendant where I could tell they were clocking us as spouses.

I’ve even been just minding my own business, lifting weights at the gym (which I go to alone) and this one boomer who always saw me there asked how my husband is. There doesn’t even need to be a man of the same ethnicity present, they just think I’m someone with a husband. I could go on with the stories of all my perceived “husbands.” Haha

Enraging to say the least. People have to got to take a step back and let us introduce our companions before they assume and stop perceiving various types of “husband” relationships for us women and femmes altogether which are usually informed by their own limited racially prejudiced and gender stereotyping worldviews. Such narrow mental schemas.

Much love to you OP! Meanwhile, I’m happily single even though I’ve lost count at this point of how many “husbands” I’ve been assigned haha.

I fucking can't. It makes me so sick. Like listen, lalaking puti, if your American women aren't good enough for you, stop coming after us. Gaslighting these women into the American dream. Yeah... overweight, underpaid, lazy, abusive men. Sure, let me leave my Lola for YOU! Miss na kita niyan. Ugh. Please tell me you won't ever give this man the time of day again!

Edit: some phrases are in Filipino 🥰

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I wonder who they think Asian men are supposed to marry. If this scenario went on for generations there would be a big imbalance where it was impossible for all Asian women to be with a white man.

I feel like this also plays into the racist bs where they don’t have even learn anything about their significant other or other cultures and think all “asian people look the same.” I wonder if they could even tell you which country their wife’s from

as someone who has lived in a diverse urban area, i've encountered similar attidues from entitled older white men who fetishize asian women. it's rooted in harmful power dynamics and a colonial mindset.

my grandparents had an interracial marriage that faced a lot of prejudice, so i understand how frustrating and dehumanizing those kinds of assumpions can be. you and your husband deserve to be seen as equal partners.

r/passport_bros