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My fiancé and I are getting married the end of January 2025. it’s a destination wedding and a lot of our invites are going out to people in other countries. Even a few of our wedding party members don’t live in the US.
My MOH and I just sat down and addressed our wedding invites with an RSVP by date of mid-October. A lot of people have been asking about them, so we decided to go ahead and send them out.
My mom (who is NT) basically told me I’m doing everything wrong - “Save The Dates need to go out first, and then wedding invites. And not everyone who gets a Save-The-Date will necessarily get an invite and you can’t ask for an RSVP months in advance - October is too early, and it’s ALSO too far away from now when you’re sending them”
My head is spinning. It’s my wedding - do I really need to following these rules? Every wedding website reads these rules off as if the sky will fall if I don’t follow the “dos & don’ts” of wedding etiquette.
Edit for clarity: I want to be considerate of my guests - I’m basically asking if I’m going to be offending anyone by doing things my way.
I had some friends in town recently who had some Loops and it got me curious about trying them out. I've never considered myself to be bothered by sound any more than others around me, so I wasn't sure if they would do anything or not. But I have a trip coming up on a plane and was curious!
I got them yesterday (the Engage 2) and just holy shit. I had absolutely ZERO idea just how much tension my body has from environmental sounds! I think at some point in my life my mind just got numb to noise and just rolled with it, but my physical body- oh my lord. I put them in and it was shocking how quiet the world was, and I just layed down, closed my eyes, and started crying from how overwhelming the relaxation was.
I literally cannot remember the last time I felt that relaxed. My muscles just melted into the couch. It reminds me of that peaceful feeling of swimming when your ears are underwater and you just hear the dull water around you and feel weightless.
I know not everyone has the same experience and some people can't stand noise cancelling earbuds, but I just wanted to throw my experience out there since I was so surprised at how my body reacted!
So even if you don't consider yourself to be highly sensitive to noise, it might be worth a shot to see how you might react. You never know!
Kinda what it says like my brother describes me as awkward as fuck and he seems to get angry when I doubt I’m autistic and he’s like “YES YOUR AUTISTIC OK JUST BECAUSE YOU DONT RELATE TO EVERYTHING DOESNT MEAN YOUR NOT!!” Like as far as I know I can’t relate to saying “””weird””” thing in a group because well I fucking hate groups and never hang out in one now because when I did I was left behind and from looking back ( but I fear false memories) I was kinda “just there” or “dragged along “ like my therapist said I have an official diagnosis and he said he is 100% sure and he seems to be 100% up to date and said if he wasn’t sure than he would say so Like I’m sorry for complaining but I guess I still have some internal ableism to deal with lol
I think the following was missed in me for example: 1. I saw myself as a chameleon and would change friendship groups every year. 2. I would forget to do my homework and so would be doing it in the lesson that it was due. 3. Changing my accent one day because people mocked me - now my accent is quite posh for the area I live in. 4. I went to the doctor telling him I thought I had bipolar or cyclothymia because I would go through 'manic' periods because I had a lot of energy/racing thoughts that would affect my sleep. 5. Being pedantic and over-correcting people.
We were together for almost 3 years from 2018-2021. For context: he was addicted to cocaine and gambling and both mentally, financially controlled and physically abused me for the most part of our relationship.
His mom was chronically ill the whole time we were together, at the start of this year he messaged me for the first time since we broke up on /very/ very bad terms saying that she had received a terminal cancer diagnosis.
Obviously I found this upsetting to hear but I couldn’t fathom why he was messaging me about it, I wasn’t close with his mum at all. I replied cordially and left it at that.
Flash forward to now and a friend of a friend told me his mum passed away recently, she said it might be a nice idea to message him with my condolences but I don’t want to? Why should I? I don’t know if this is my PDA stubbornness coming into play or what but I genuinely don’t see the point in messaging him.
Why? To make him feel better? I don’t give a fuck how he feels I supported him throughout our entire relationship and got nothing but abuse in return.
Do you guys think I should message him with my condolences? It’s purely serving a social expectation no? I’m so confused and I feel like the worst person in the world but I just don’t think he deserves my condolences.
I’m an introvert with social anxiety and after research believe I am autistic. I’ve spoken to a few guys online. And been on a few dates with a guy but he seems iffy. I know I don’t bring much to a conversation and seem to blank on discussion topics. I’m probably coming across as boring and unintelligent which I think I am sometimes. How did you ladies find partners? How did you navigate the dating world?
I put this as rant/vent wanting more support than advice. But I am open to some advice.
I recently joined a group around one of my special interests. I posted, trying to start a conversation on something that caught my attention, and I get a lot of comments that kinda shut me down and when I point something out back was negative reacted into oblivion. I made a comment about some of the characters being autistic and was called insensitive for saying it.
Many of the characters in the media are very much autistic, adhd or auDHD-codes. But the group seems to be flooded with very neurotypical people that are very harsh and unwelcoming in their comments and don't seem to kin the show as much as me or someone like me would. Stuff that makes sense to me from the characters perspective doesn't make sense to them and I'm the one not seeing it and it's just -
This is not the first time. I've had negative experiences in multiple groups catering to my special interest because some how I just don't "fit."
And it's heartbreaking, and frustrating, because some of them I don't have anyone in my little friends circle I can really talk about some of this stuff to because they don't watch it or never liked it.
I'm just sad about it. At this point I'm probably going to un-join the group and possibly delete the post I did make there just because it feels so judgemental and mean there.
Seems like a lot of the neurodivergent leaning medias I become a fan of tend to be really popular with NTs and they aren't kind to other who think differently.
I always feel polarized by wanting to isolate myself but also feeling lonely when I do. I realize it is important to balance socializing and me time but sometimes I hate doing chores and things alone. I try to embrace it but I just have these moments where I’m like damn I wish I had a friend to just exist next to like I’ve tried this with my best friend but then we just end up yapping and then I feel overstimulated 😂. Also sometimes when I’m alone I don’t crave talking to other people but I get a weird feeling like wow I wish this person was here.
I crave being social but at the same time when I’m social I get overwhelmed and I talk too much or don’t say much at all and then people think I’m mad. I get tied between wanting to listen to others but also yapping, but also getting bored about the topics they choose to pick. I just feel like a mess and wonder if this happens to anyone else.
I’m curious if anyone else has experienced an ability to remember more of their childhood after receiving or self-diagnosing later in life.
I’m a 25 year old woman and just recently diagnosed. I’ve always struggled to recall memories despite having a great childhood and great family life. I know that I dissociated a lot for my entire life, which likely contributed to my losing and/or repressing many memories. After being diagnosed, it makes sense to me why I would have fragmented childhood memories. It’s traumatic growing up in a NT world and undiagnosed.
Ever since getting this clarity and unmasking more, I feel like I’m recalling more memories that I hadn’t remembered before. Most of them are “insignificant” small glimpses into moments of my childhood, but to me they are so huge after having so little for so long. Maybe it’s in my head, but I have grieved not having early memories, and it feels like I’m getting some of them back.
Maybe it is unrelated to the diagnosis and they are coming up from something else, but it seems so connected. Has anyone else experienced this or something similar after diagnosis? Have any of you recovered lost memories from childhood as adults?
i haven’t traveled in 5 years, and i haven’t gathered in public spaces nor hung out in groups for a while. last week i decided to book a flight to visit my friend in croatia cuz i was feeling inspired and spontaneous thanks to my period being one week away. yesterday i flew out. got my period. i’m regretting everything.
i’ve been crying on and off, suppressing cuz im at the airport and don’t wanna be grabbed and taken to an institution if i melt down. which i am feeling very close to melting down.
i’m waiting for my connecting flight and i don’t have any support cuz i’m traveling alone. i’m just so mad. i’m not mad at myself because im giving myself the grace to try traveling again after so long. i’m mad that i even have to try. like, who am i doing this for? i fucking hate every single detail about traveling and i absolutely don’t find joy in neither the journey nor the destination. this is so hard for an autistic person to do. the sensory stimuli is just too much and the lack of sleep deeply affects me. the food is a texture attack waiting to smack you in the face. the random strangers talking for 6 hours straight. what is the point of chatting so hard and for so long when you’re not even going to see each other again? it feels like an abuse of my own capacity.
i just want to express that traveling isn’t and shouldn’t be a prerequisite to living my best life. i’m so over being perceived as some recluse who doesn’t go out and doesn’t see people much. i’m tired of the pleasantries. i’m tired of the decorum. i just want to live how i wanna live and do what i wanna do and be celebrated for choosing to truly do me.
and the time. good God, does it ever move slowly. it’s death by delay.
***EDITED for clarity and also want to add there is ALOT more to this story that i cant share for privacy reasons she is truly the worst & i wish i could say more***
I (F32) and let's call her "PP" (F33) have been friends for over a decade. We grew up around the corner from each other went to school together and have always been BFF. Like any relationship, we have had our ups and downs over the years. For example, a coupla years ago (2017/16?) I got drunk at the bar & backhanded her, then another time we were drinking at a house we got into it and threw blows (nothing crazy no cops' yaddayadda) I apologized & quit drinking.
Fastforward to now I have been struggling with my mental health lately(year&1/2) and come to the conclusion that I am autistic (get the assessment in July) While in therapy I have realized the laundry list of offenses & disrespect that I should have cut her off for and am just now seeing how abusive she really was (narcissistic) Because of this I have been quietly distancing myself hoping that I can just like let the bridge fall/rot. She moved out of state 2 ish years ago? I had assumed it would be easy to just fade away.
Only problem is we have a tight knit friend group, and I haven't told any of them a thing. I don't see them much but when I do, they always bring up "PP" and well i just mask and pretend like it's all whatever. BUT ITS NOT WHATEVER I JUST HATE VERBAL CONFRONTATION KNUCKS UP OR SHUT UP!(<--this why i need therapy) anywhoo one of my friends called to check in the other night @ 11PM! I'm a sleepyhead and shouldn't have answered the phone i was so tired, groggy and not thinking straight. Conversation went something like this;
***ME:***yoooooo ***
Frand:*hey how are you? I have "PP"-
ME: \INTERUPPTING* UHG i fucking hate her etc.*
Frand:\LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY* we then started talking about something else but she said she had to go and she would call me back so i said ok whatever went back to sleep, phone rang again like 5 min later i answered without looking and it was "PP"!! \SHIT* fuck i wouldnt have answered if i saw it was her! i was just like very flat and told her im tired gotta go bye, i dont remember exactly what was said i just remember feeling like she was fishing for info like she had something she wanted to say but i was too sleepy to care!
it wasnt till morning i realized they were threeway-calling me the first time & she def heard everything i just said. but ya know what? i dont even care. Regina George (PP) fucked around and found out. Also, nobody has said anything to me so maybe im just paranoid maybe she didnt hear anythin? Had every intention to continue not giving a fuck but TODAY this afternoon another friend (PPS COUSIN) txt me and is randomly flying home for the week so her & Frand wants to hang. I'm scared its just a ruse & "PP" is gonna ambush me and try to manipulate and cry her way back into my life and play victim. or even worse she trys to confront me and it gets violent because that would end with her actually being victim and me in prison. so reddit i ask you this what do now?! what do i say to any of them? can i just ghost like 6 ppl? how do i keep the peace??! i don't want to be the avoidant AH but i just dont know how else to be!?!
I was at a sort of "Bachelorette party" (with some really big cultural differences from the American one, it also have a completelydifferentname in my language) yesterday. We started at 11:00 and was finished at 02:00 at night
I didn't drink a single drink but instead did my best to drink water, take breaks and not eat too much sugery or fat things (since that can mess with me) - and still I'm a mess today
I cried when my partner gave me a glass of water, I cried when I got a text thanking me for the party, I cried because there was a cute dog outside. I feel slightly sick and have fought to be able to eat anything and lastly i have this horrible headache that's only on one side of my head
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved the party yesterday and have been gushing about it to my partner all day. I honestly want to do it all again today! But alas, my stupid AuDHD makes these events exhausting and it can take days before I actually recover
It's so annoying and a bit embarrassing... especially trying to explain to people that I'm not really hungover since I didn't drink, but I am hangover anyway and get almostall symptoms. It was a while ago but I had a friend make fun of me for years because even if I didn't drink I end up being the one that the one with the worst hangover
I don't like it, I hate it. I want to be able to be social and have enough to actually build some true friendships but (at least right now) this is the main reason for why I fail. As with so much else I want to be able to do morw more
(Disclamer: advice not wanted and will probably be ignored. I know I can't really do anything and that rest is important and i will make sure to do so. But that doesn't mean I have to like it)
Pretty much what it says on the tin...I was just diagnosed a few days ago with level 1 autism, combined ADHD leaning towards inattentive, and major depression with generalized anxiety. I've contacted local providers to see about starting a treatment plan but also I'm impatient so I figured I'd ask for advice too.
I am awful at sticking to a routine/schedule without an eternal motivator like going to work. I work from home now so I forget to brush my teeth almost everyday because I don't have to go anywhere even if I set a phone reminder. I make plans every weekend to be productive and then I lay in bed and rot at least half the day every day while internally screaming at myself to get up. I've tried apps like Tiimo and Habitica but having to just set up my habits is too much work and I quit before even finishing the initial setup. I am also AWFUL with money--I'll spend it within like 3 days of payday then be broke and stressed all month. It's like I know future me is me logically, but emotionally it's like i don't connect the two and present me wants things and future me will magically sort it out, except that never actually happens...
So basically, does anybody have any tips/tricks, apps, programs, whatever to help with these things?Or even just commiserate so I don't feel like such a failure. Thanks!
Hi, guys. I’m new to realizing that my ADHD might be something more, and I’m not sure what to do about it. For now, I just want to understand why I’ve done some of what I’ve done for most of my life.
Lately, I’ve realized that I have a fear of being under authority that is untrustworthy. Like, I love good leadership, but as soon as I see someone who is in leadership for the wrong reasons, or someone who is drunk with power, I feel like I can’t work for that person. I’m afraid of being controlled in general, but especially by someone unworthy of leadership.
It makes work hard, because I can’t just be diplomatic. I’m not good at hiding how I feel. If I feel like someone isn’t going to be a good leader, I will say or do something that lets them know I think they’re full of shit.
Is this anyone else? Am I alone?
I wish I could go with the flow more, and I know enough not to get myself fired, but I’ve almost quit jobs on the spot when I see that a leader or boss isn’t good to the people working for them.
I'm looking into learning SEO so I can work from home. Does anyone here work in this field? Looking for advice. Love to hear your experiences. TYIA
Sometimes I really struggle with this, making a list, going to the store, actually cooking the items. My body physically resists these tasks, but yet I need food for fuel. What works for others who had had this problem
Trying to figure out if people with autism can like loud, crowded, overstimulating environments despite the stereotype.
I'm scheduled for a hysterectomy & sacrocolpopexy on the 12th. It's something that was going to HAVE to happen eventually, but I did have some control over WHEN. And when I scheduled it back in April I was looking forward to it because the older I get, the more my cycle has become sensory hell.
But now, with it a mere 10 days away, I'm starting to freak the fuck out. I have voluntarily signed myself up for potentially months of pain and a lengthy recovery. "OMG what have I done?" kind of feelings are hitting hard right now.
I found out I'm going to end up in the Women's Center overnight for recovery, with all the new moms, and that's definitely gonna suck because my head knows I'm done but my heart disagrees... My Ex-SiL (who is more like a sister to me than any of my bio-fam) is a nurse in the Women's Center, so that helps at least, and she said they will put me at the far end of the hall, so maybe hopefully not tooooo many babies born that day & noise-canceling headphones will be enough to solve that problem...🤞
So, anyway, in the typical ✨me✨ fashion, I'm coping with my anxiety & overthinking by overplanning.
Anyone been through this? Any AuDHD specific tips, like dealing with the sensory hell of being in the hospital & hospital employees that may not be entirely accepting of unofficial diagnoses? (My ADHD is official, but the PDA-ish 'tism is just based on observations by myself, my family, & my kids' school psych who gave them their diagnoses.)
Have you managed to find a career that is good for you?
This is just a random theory that I've been toying with recently as I noticed how much technology is optimised to distract and keep you engaged with it... Netflix asks for 'one more episode', reels are endless on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok etc. and there is so much visual stimuli everywhere you look.
I'm pretty convinced that my parents must have some form of neurodivergence. Particularly my dad who hyper-focused into a career with his main hobby, drinks coffee all the time, is naturally very entrepreneurial, but he dropped out of university degree and has a very active lifestyle naturally (he genuinely can't go a day without hitting 15,000 steps regardless of having a ton of office work). He does however love to hate on social media and doesn't watch TV or films unless it's an actual family event.
It makes me think that perhaps my ADHD would be an awful lot better if I could find a way to use technology in a less distracting manner. It feels like modern tech is designed to distract us and maybe has made the ability to multi-task, react quickly and juggle interests into a disability when we are told to specialise in work and then confronted with more distractions than ever before. A lot of people I mention ADHD to have said things like more people are developing ADHD today and it never used to be such a problem.
Does anyone else toy with methods of limiting using technology in their life and has this improved their symptoms? Will add that it makes me mad that if this is the case why more people are being diagnosed, it makes me quite mad at tech companies for exploiting the distractibility that ADHDers struggle with!
(Trigger warning)
Been watching a lot of Anthony Bourdain with my husband and… felt like he was definitely on the spectrum. Somehow that led me to looking into whether Kate spade was on the spectrum. And Robin Williams as well.
Life has been very good, but sometimes I get scared when loneliness creeps up even on a good day. Especially after a good day, actually. Sometimes, I get scared I will end up like the aforementioned people. My husband even had a dream he wouldn’t tell me about for years- It was that I died before him, and he only remembers himself crying and apologizing but not knowing how I died in the dream. I never told him after that reveal that I had unexplainable ideation often. When I went to a psychiatrist, I went in for adhd, found out ASD was also in the picture, but I never told him about sui**** ideation. I feel like I am very happy and life is the best it’s ever been. but idk why I have unexplainable very strong moments of loneliness that I get scared of. I get scared that even though things are great in life, one day I will just do something sudden/permanent even without being provoked. Like “calling to the void”?
Has anyone also experienced this? How do you make peace with it. Is it safe to tell your psychiatrist or will this lead to being admitted?
So I am going home and visiting my family and friends soon. And over the last 5 years, many of my friends have became moms and I really don't know how to cop with that.
Part of me feel like I am left behind. Part of me is also like - I never wanted kids, so I don't know why I feel left behind.
I don't like kids (0-15); I don't know how to talk to them, and I don't know what I am expected to do. Do I awkwardly smile at them and then ignore them the rest of the day. How do I hide my eye rolls because I don't find whatever they do smart or funny? I just don't find baby human cute.
I have politely told one friend that I do not wish to spend too much time with her kids. And she is very understanding and said she will arrange babysitting while we hang out.
But is it rude for friends to not want to interact with your kids? And what do parents want from their child free friends.
TIA
As the title says, I find trusting my gut to be an incredibly stressful idea. As someone with AuDHD as well as BPD, my perception of things depends on my very black and white moods as well as ideas of what's "correct" and "incorrect". Neurotypicals are able to simply feel their feelings and be like yeah this thing is what I'll do as a result.
I feel like I have an entire identity crisis, balancing the logic to find the answer of what's right for me as well as what's right for others. It doesn't help that I am also a traumatized beeg people pleaser, and always want whoever else in the situation have their needs met as a first priority.
Anyone can relate? Just feeling like you're incapable of perceiving the world in it's reality is hard.
As the title says I’m at a wedding reception hiding in the toilet. It’s for my boyfriend’s cousins wedding.
There are so many people and it’s so loud, the floor is shaking and the disco lights are unbearable. I’ve gotten this far by spending as much time outside or in the toilets as possible but now my whole body is aching and my head is sore and I’m so exhausted.
I want to curl up and hide in my bed at home now but my boyfriend is having a great time with his family and I want to support him and see him happy because he does so much to support me.
I wish I knew how to survive these events like everyone else.
Edit/Update: Managed to find a corner to sit in and chat with my favourite female family member for a while so that we could avoid noise and boyfriend could hang out with family and he brought me sweets and we’re now heading home yay! Thank u for the comments they made me smile despite the struggle 🫶🏼
It seems challenging enough for NTs to be able to juggle all of that so I’m worried I’m going to implode but I desperately need to increase my income.