I understand that people with insecure anxious attachment styles experienced certain types of traumas and behaviors during their childhood and adult life that made them become that way. I get it. At some point once the individual in question is aware that their behaviors are hurting another I feel that is when the abuse they are unintentionally committing becomes intentional.
Some emotionally abusive behaviors that I have seen from anxious attachments that are quite damaging include:
-Smothering a partner by demanding constant companionship without respecting boundaries.
-Jealousy towards anyone your partner likes and acts upon that jealousy by exhibiting protest behaviors.
-Protest behaviors that include bombarding a partner with calls/texts even when they do not answer. (I.e. harrassment)
-keeping score then "punishing" their partner for not meeting their unrealistic metric of back and forth communication
-using empty threats of leaving and other forms of manipulation when their partner doesn't act the way they feel they should
-Using blame and guilt to make their partner feel bad for not meeting their needs even when those needs are unreasonable
In my opinion, when you become aware that you are exhibiting these behaviors and your partner is telling you that your behavior is causing massive problems it is your job to stop doing them or else it is now going into intentionally abusive territory. Your partner has made you aware that what you are doing is destructive, it is hurting them, and it is making them feel uneasy but you continue to push boundaries.
It is not your partner's job to heal your traumas or behaviors. It is time to take accountability and work with a mental health professional to heal so you will stop the emotional abuse. I suggest therapy to anyone who is now aware that their behaviors are causing emotional pain and anxiety for their partners. It isn't fair to your partner to keep doing these things whether you can help yourself or not. Trauma isn't an excuse to not try to be a better person in your relationships. It's time to do and be better.