NAH

OP, you aound really sweet and level-headed about this. Rejection is hard, but you said the thing qnd you've accepted the answer, and I can see all you want is for your friendship to continue as it was.

She's probably overthinking the guilt she's feeling about bit returning your feelings - understand women in particular are socialised to be very wary if turning guys down, plus she's probably afraid of losing your friendship which obviously means a lot to her. And so she overcompensated a bit, to try and show you that.

I think your explanation was good, solid, and tells her that you're both gonna be ok, and your friendship is strong enough to continue. Which is great. Honestly you both might be the most sensible and empathic redditors I've ever read in here ๐Ÿ˜

Nothing to navigate if you're running tf away, my dude! Which is what you should be doing!

Navigate to http://chumplady.com if anywhere, seriously.

Aw hon. I feel for you. But holy shit you need to learn how to value yourself! You have intrinsic worth, whatever this narcissistic, misogynistic shithead might think!

Could you get some therapy, maybe work on shining up your spine, gaining self confidence, that sort of thing? Because you should have ended his ass the second he treated you badly but you just kept letting him

Don't get me wrong, the entire asshole behaviour is on him and him alone, but you gotta find the strength to not sign up for it. Or you'll wind up with some other loser asshole creep like this one, and you deserve so much better. You sound kind, and sweet, and intelligent. Your worst crimes here are being a bit naive, not knowing your worth, and not knowing what to look fir ina healthy relationship - all of which are fixable issues!

Demand reciprocity, respect, love, security in a relationship! You deserve them!

My suggestion: go to http://chumplady.com. Read in particular about her Unified Theory of Cake, and the Pick Me Dance. I think you'll find them very familiar. And that'll be a start towards helping you find a healthier space within yourself. Plus there's a bunch of lovely community there, always willing to offer mutual support and advice.

You deserve better. You will find better. I promise. Raise your bar, ok? Sending happiness and love to you x

Not the same poster but it sounds like an abscess maybe. Apologies anyone who has medical anxiety, do skip the rest of this. Except for person I'm replying to - if you're being snarky I missed it because I've had zero sleep so you get to read ๐Ÿ˜ But it works as a metaphor too, so...

It's the more hirsuite person that is prone to them, but it can happen to anyone. Basically, an ingrown hair (or often a cluster of them, which is how it gets so exacerbated) happens and the immune system loses its shit and just starts padding it so you wind up with this boil full of nasty crap. And cos there's stuff stuck inside, the antibiotics are just a temp fix and you need someone to do a minor surgery to actually dig out the crap and ingrown whatevers so that then it can drain, close up, and heal.

Source: experience and medical folk who explained it to me properly.

Oh look, you again

Stop stalking this poor woman and get a fucking life

It's almost 6am

I haven't slept yet

This story just made sure I'm not about to anytime soon!

Very tense, very good. Could do with some proofreading for wrong words abd grammar stuff, but a good story ๐Ÿ™‚

Sometimes out of love for someone it's maybe better to say nothing...

She'll never meet your son, abd your husband would have been fine not hearing you say that. Although he really probably could do with therapy to unpack everything, because he's actually the one now in danger of unintentionally repeating patterns.

Gentle YTA because I see you didn't mean any harm, but you should have thought that through and realised that would really hurt him. Apologise, and help him let it go, but understand it may take him some time.

Also, again, therapy.

Hope yhe houses in your neighbourhood fill uo again real fadt

And that nobody starts asking too hard about all those mysterious deaths with you in the middle of the circle...

But hey, a tasty sauce is a damned amazing thing! Not to he given up lightly!

You: Simply murder her...

Me: That's a tad extreme

You: ...with compassion

Me: Ohhhhh yeah that's better. With less cleanup

Damn, a Brethren that had a brain and the ability to ctitically think. That might ve an actual miracle! Good for him, for doing the hard things and not just stuffing it down.

Skeletons fucking on a tin roof is...an image, alright.

geekilee
1
MODERATOR

Wow, that cat wanted to adopt you! ๐Ÿ˜‚

geekilee
2Edited

You sound like a great and supportive partner - one who is open to whoever he is and whatever he needs to do and be. And that is the best thing you can continue to do. Keep supporting the drag l, keep supporting the therapy, keep being a good partner

If he's got more left to his gender journey, knowing you have his back will help, and he'll get there in his own time. Kaybe he's trans, maybe he's nonbinary or agender. Maybe he's cis and a bit femme and loves drag.

Only he can figure that stuff out, just keep making sure he knows you love whoever he is, and that you're there for him. You'll both do alright.

Eta: Just remember for yourself that he is whatever he says he is! And nothing more or less. Also, his comments may be part of him trying to get your reaction but obky he knows what's going on in his own head. Make sure he knows you love the insides of him, whatever the outsides might look like.

Good grief. I can't have kids. My now wife knew that when we got together. And we still had a conversation about how neither of us ever wanted them anyway, so no biggie, and no need to consider other avenues.

ESH. You are both still of an age where kids are possible. This should have been explicitly discussed, along with all the ither things you need to ensure you're on the same page about, long before marriage. You both assumed, and now you're having issues.

Your comments suggest you didn't come here for an actu judgement, you wanted us to laugh at your husband for being so silly, and now you're arguing. Take your judgement, take the comments, sit with them for a bit, then have a real conversation with your husband - which should include an apology on both sides for fucking this up, followed by an honest assessment of where you both sit on the topic.

Even if you DO spend the rest of the your life single... isn't that better than being stuck with someone you are (rightfully) disgusted by?

Your kids are better off not living in a home where one parent cheats and the other is disgusted hy them. That's far more unhealthy.

His actions are what is "taking him away" from your kids. His. Not yours. You are protecting yourself, and them. You can give you all a life free of the awfulness that comes with cheating - the gaslighting, lying, manipulation, narcissistic bullshit that a cheater has to do to cheat is truamatic at best.

I recommend, as always, a visit to http://chumplady.com. She has advice, snark, she covers all of those points repeatedly, and there's a whole community of people who've been cheated on and left. You'll find the support there that you're not getting from the people who should be giving it.

You're doing the right thing. Stay strong. You'll get through this and there's a better life on the other side.

Beth Cato's Clockwork Dagger series has a cool system if prosthetics. The prosthetic is made by a specialist engineer, who basically rebuilds a limb in clockwork form - cogs, meral rods, etc. Then the healers and the engineer hage to combine the magic and skill, at the same time, un irder to attach the limb to the nerve endings and make it work like the original limb did.

Of course then you have issues with potential pain, sand, water, etc. Amd there's the "what do less scrupulous people do with this" question...

About that? Well, there's a species they call gremlins, which are chimera purposefully constructed by this godawful scientist guy, and once alive and free they were able to breed and became a bit of a pest to most - they'd steal silver, attack airships, etc. One of the characters in one of the novellas took in gremlins that were used to build a GIANT chimera/mech thing to win a wargame, in order to give them teeny tiny prostheses and find a way to stop the giy pulling them to pieces. The gremlins are made very adorable, and Cato made a point of writing a plot where they became popular as pets and companions, and could be trained to do household tasks, and stuff. They were smart lil fuckers as long as you fed them hard cheese, and didn't keep any silver around or piss them off too hard ๐Ÿ˜

I thought the prostheses thing was cool cos it combined these two things that are usually seen as so disparate, and made them essential to one another. It was a nice touch, and I don't recall feeling any moments of ableism coming off of the writing.

And roger is slang for sex, so he got it wrong on every possible count (including writing this in the first place).

I knew my wife for a few years before I asked her out, so it was only a few weeks - we already knew each other pretty well so it was mostly a transition stage.

We were laying on my bed, fully dressed, just cuddling. I had already reaxhed the stage where I had an inner ache that could only be fixed by wrapping my arms around her. This hollowed out bit of me that only she could fill.

You know how you wake up in tue morning and need to stretch? I got that stretch feeling by holding her, she just felt so good and right in my arms.

Anyway, I was lying there, in my own head, trying to figure out a) if this really was love (cos it'd been a good many years eince the last time I'd felt romantic love that went both ways; I'm demiace so it doesn't drop into my lap that easy), and b) if it would be a good time to say it.

Turns out she was doing the same. She'd never even had a crush before (she'd dated a tiny bit but just cos she was supposed to: she's ace, I'm just her person). But she beat me to it, said "I think I love you".

And I got this bloom of warmth, all over me, all inside me. That told me beyond any doubt l, and freed me to say it back for the first time ๐Ÿฅฐ

reads the title Pfft. NTA

reads the first two sentences Pfft. NTA x a gazillion

Your mother is transphobic. No need to put qualifiers on it. If she's worried what other people will think about her having a trans kid, she's transphobic.

Take your gender euphoria, wait til you're able, and get the fuck away. Then be yourself. Find your people. You get to decide who you are, and who you have in your life - meaning transphobic people, no matter how much guilt they might have programmed into us, get to fuck off.

I dropped my parents after they made it clear they wouldn't respect me or my gender. They kept it up for s couple of years before apologising. They still don't use my pronouns, but they at keast use my name and masc pronouns - which js better than the other ones they were uaing before, I've given up asking for my real ones, and I barely have a relationship with them, but I'm glad I do because my trans nephew sonetimes needs an advocate when they're being ignorant. Still. They don't know it, but they live on the Last Chance Cliff. One more bad thing, and I'm shoving that wagon off and cheering as it shatters on its way to the bottom.

My point OP, is you have to figure out how to be yourself, even if it means exiting stage left on some people for a while. Being trans shouldn't mean sacrifice, but so often it does, and having the right people vs having the wring people around you makes the entire difference.

Stick to who you know you are. Nobody can dictate that, no matter how many dresses they want to force you to wear (that's emotional abuse btw, just to be clear).

ERA: yes I have many feels on this topic due to experience. You're gonna be ok OP x

Dned rude disabilities. I had that last week - all the pain was being SUPER extra, it was ridiculous.

I hope you get to speak to your friend, it's good to have someone to touch base with. Maybe a message if you can't always connect? It might not feel quite as good, but it's better than nothing? ๐Ÿคท