reporting this has made me realise how many problems there are with the original question
•babies definitely cannot talk this articulately
•babies do not have a firm grasp on the concept of religion, nor are they likely to be adamant that you convert to their religion
•babies are not allowed to skydive
•a lot of skydiving places have an instructor help you so you don’t die so you would have no need to “save” the baby as the instructor would most likely ignore whatever religious beliefs this non-existent baby has and prioritise not killing a baby
•why would an atheist go skydiving with a christian baby specifically? Where are the christian parents?
•what I said in my original comment
•what’s the baby gonna do if you pretend to convert then go “haha just kidding” the moment you both land? Bite you?
Probably lots of other issues but I’m not gonna spend my time thinking about a question on quora of all things
It's a baby, can't stop you from opening it anyway.
No you're supposed to want to save the talking Christian baby. Your ability to open your own parachute is never compromised.
I'm guessing the conceit is that either you're an amoral monster who doesn't give a shit if a Christian baby offs itself because you won't "renounce atheism(?)" or your "belief" in atheism is paper thin and can be easily shaken by a talking Christian baby.
Which if I'm being honest with you, if a baby walked up to me and started talking, much less went sky diving with me, you may as well take me to church, I no longer have a grip on reality and the world isn't what I think it is and there's probably a god and unicorns or whatever, or I've lost my mind. In which case, at least people at church can channel my fever dream-like hallucinations into something positive. Maybe I'll be a pastor or something.
Lmaooo
There are very few situations where I would skydive with a baby and the most likely one raises at least one very good question. Where did the baby get an ID believable enough to get me so drunk that I would go skydiving with it.
Talking babies are generally resourceful.
It's your baby. Your girlfriend insisted on keeping it. Ugh.
"Hey I have an idea, I should take the baby skydiving... Why yes they would strap to my chest nicely, but we're going go separately, for uh, reasons..."
I'm guessing the conceit is that either you're an amoral monster who doesn't give a shit if a Christian baby offs itself because you won't "renounce atheism(?)" or your "belief" in atheism is paper thin and can be easily shaken by a talking Christian baby.
Suicide is a sin, SEE YOU IN HELL YOU PHYSCHOTIC BITCH BABY MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
(Sorry im on my villian ark any fucked up thing i say cannot be held against me as its all a joke.)
That’s a helluva a good retort for this (very strange) situation
at least people at church can channel my fever dream-like hallucinations into something positive.
Well, a lot of churches would just use that to get you to give them all of your money.
I think it's a good analogy for the current state of the world.
People willing to hurt themselves to control others.
It's the age of the crybully. Do what I want or I'll hurt us both.
Maybe it's time to let the baby drop. God gave the baby the ability to talk he can give it the ability to fly. I certainly don't want to see the Christian suicide missionary parachuting babies to become a permanent thing.
It's like republicans blaming democrats for not helping them elect a speaker. If we cant control you I'll take us both down.
Say what you like about Christians though, but they will do everything to protect babies, because the clergy always needs a new generation to rape.
It's very like the joke with the Christian during a flood. We should let the people who decide to leave things up to faith do as they will to their own detriment. The problem is they hurt other people in their flailing madness.
Why is the baby willing to kill itself for another person's religious convictions? Suicide is not very Christian
oh, it's *very* christian. that it's now a mortal sin is something they came up with iirc in the 13th century, when things were really bad and a lot of ppl took the shortcut to heaven.
Can't fill up the offering plate every week if you takt the shortcut to heaven. Better make that one a mortal sin.
I remember it being told to me as being an unforgivable sin because you can't ask for forgiveness, and the sin isn't really done until the moment you die.
It would stand to reason that if there is an afterlife you would be able to ask for forgiveness when you find yourself there.
It would stand to reason if any of it was real that God would forgive you regardless.
Isn't there a "forgive me for what I'm about to do" kind of loophole?
Why is the baby willing to kill itself
It's not, it's putting its faith into God to open the parachute anyways. Like some sect can't use light switches on Sabbat, but they can have special light switches that may or may not turn on the light when activated. With that reasoning, you can do whatever you like.
So the claim is God is all knowing... So wouldn't he recognize a workaround tactic? Seems the timer would be moot bc one is setting it for the specific purpose of using electricity on the Sabbat.
How could you use that light switch and not start thinking to yourself “oh come on, this is kinda ridiculous lol. Why would god care if I just turned on a light vs using some device to trick him into thinking I’m not using a light? And wouldn’t god want me to use tools at my disposal, such as lamps, to improve my life whenever I want?”
Idk it just makes absolutely zero sense to me. Then again religions and logic don’t exactly mix so I suppose it’s not the most ridiculous religious act.
The baby has the power of Christianity on their side that gives them the ability to speak articulately.
Many adult Christians don't have a firm grasp on religion either but are still incredibly adamant about converting everyone.
It's a underground skydiving company that allows babies.
The baby has been skydiving enough to no longer need an instructor.
You're babysitting the baby and took them skydiving.
The baby is really fat.
The baby will utilize it's relationship with God to smite you on the spot.
It’s also basically impossible to talk while skydiving because the wind is too loud.
Yeet the baby. He already has arrived to heaven. A shortcut.
Heaven? Oh, Nono. Hell.
Suicide is a big no in Christianity, if he were to plummet to the ground and not open the chute willingly then he would be damned to an eternal stay in hell.
EDIT - Thanks for the clarifications below!
But the baby was trying to convert someone so it isn't suicide, it is martyrdom. Don't ask me to explain why that works, I don't get it either since the baby utterly failed at its goal.
Nah, that manipulative baby can splat on the ground. You don’t spread the good news of Jesus Christ by holding a proverbial gun to someone’s head
Historically, that's pretty much exactly the way it was done.
The person you're replying to referred to a proverbial gun.
I think you're imagining a literal gun.
Well, proverbial gun because it was usually a sword
Or just pull the baby's ripcord yourself. I am pretty weak but I am sure I could win if the baby tried to stop me.
If a baby is telling me to accept Jesus I'm letting that fucker fall without the parachute. That's some Tiffany shit.
Hell no. Fuck that baby.
And why does the baby have his own little baby sized parachute in the first place 😂
Hell, I would just agree to terms and go about my day as normal. An atheist would not fear angering a non-existent god with a lie.
A really fat Christian baby…
lie to the baby until we’re safe on the ground, obviously. it’s not like he’s gonna burn me at the stake.
I feel too many religious people don't understand that atheists dont have 'strongly held beliefs' in the same way they do. We can say whatever we want even if we don't believe it if we think it's for the better, and yeah I'd say I believed in Jesus to save a babies life because it's fucking meaningless words to me. I actively judge any religious person who wouldn't do their equivalent to save a human life.
Fr, they probably think that,if they were in this scenario but with a different god from their believes, sacrificing the baby to prove they have strongly held beliefs would be a flex. The only thing you are flexing is not being able to even lie about your beliefs,even when someones life is at stake
I honestly feel that's the endgame with these sorts of questions. The horrible shit religions do to all sorts of people around the world, it's not even a full step to think a lot of religious people wouldn't utter a few words to save a baby or anyone if it meant making their religious overlord unhappy
I mean, there are religious people who would refuse blood infusions or organ transplants or being treated by a female doctor because of their faith, and they die from that all the time. I can totally see someone that devoted to their faith allowing someone to die in this scenario.
I have a feeling this is somehow about abortion. Like- if an atheist would accept god to save a baby's life, that means they're actually pro-life? Something like that.
I won't bother pointing out the ways its flawed, because it's such a vague scenario, and I'm only guessing at the author's intent.
That being said, I'd pledge my soul to parachuting baby's god, even if it was Satan, to figure out how it got a magic talking baby involved. That shit is the most compelling evidence for a God I'd have seen. I mean, shit, if I personally encountered really any miracle, I'd be much more open to considering whatever religion. Burning bush that speaks to me? Hell yeah. Talking snake offering me fruit? Sign me up.
It's almost like saying
List the criteria required in order for you to save someone
Religious People: "Well they'd have to be.."
Non-relgious person: already running to save fellow human in need.
I'd even let them baptised me if it helps. I mean, their magic water ceremony doesn't actually mean anything. I'll go for a swim just to see the surprised pikachu face when I said nothing has changed.
Loads of atheists who've been christened/baptised/confirmed as kids and then grow up and stop believing. Almost like it's utterly utterly meaningless....
One of the last times I talked to her, my mother insisted that I am still a christian because I was baptized... I guess if it makes her feel better, who am I to tell her she is wrong? but it isn't going to change how I act in anyway.
I got baptized in a Catholic church. The Church's position is that if you've been baptized, you're a Catholic. Permanently. Even if you say you aren't. You can get excommunicated and they'll still consider you a Catholic, just not part of the Church.
Unfortunately for them, I don't believe in God, I haven't been to Mass in at least 5 years and haven't gone to a regular Sunday Mass in probably around 15. They can say I'm Catholic as much as they want, but I'm not going to give that as my answer to a survey or census question because my parents put me through a sacrament when I was an infant - and, I should note, I apparently slept through pretty much all of it too.
Baby: How do you feel?
You: Oh Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo... after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.
Shut your ugly face Flanders!
Hell, I'm a "confirmed" catholic Atheist but still go to church with my wife when she asks because it makes her happy and I take communion as a "cover" in front of her family because she's afraid of being judged. I don't care either way. I'll eat the little flavorless wafer. I know for her it's sacrilege to knowingly have an atheist take communion but I don't care either way. Whatever makes her happy lol
Yeah, I mean, I’m happy to say whatever if it saves a baby’s life (even if that baby is a weird Christian asshole). But I can’t make myself believe it, even if I really desperately want to. You can’t really convince yourself of something that you don’t believe is true. I can wake up every morning and tell my reflection that “Elvis isn’t dead; a witch just transformed him into an inflatable rhinoceros.” But I don’t think I could make myself believe it.
We can say whatever we want even if we don't believe it if we think it's for the better, and yeah I'd say I believed in Jesus to save a babies life because it's fucking meaningless words to me.
Fun fact many Christians are exactly the same. Their words are meaningless to them because their actions rarely match the values they purport to believe
Many of them go to church on Sunday morning, then go be right chunts to the checkout chick at the shops on their way home.
Selective Christianity.
Idk if you should save a baby that is capable of this level of emotional manipulation.
"An atheist baby demands you renounce xxxx"
Theists: guess the baby dies 🤷♂️
If i can save a life by saying i believe in the FSM.. I will.
I'm wondering what this person would respond if the roles were reversed. So what if the baby only survives if the OP would have to denounce Christianity
As if a Christian baby would believe just anything someone tells them!
Ok adding baby was a bit unnecessary...
I thought a big part of being a Christian is blindly believing any shit that they are told without questioning it regardless of how stupid it is.
It's about deference to authority. You should believe whatever your parents/pastor/governor/other-person-in-charge tells you, and suspect anything anyone else tells you.
Yes, not some stupid baby.
Which is funny that it ended up that way, especially because Jesus was fameously anti-authoritarian/anti-capitalist
nah call thier bluff, they can't kill themselves
Then call Child Protective Services on the so-called Christian parents that would throw their child out of an airplane.
it's not like the christian church would do the same to the toddler xD
that depends…was the baby baptized?
You don't even need to lie, it's a fucking baby. Grab that little shit and pull your own Shute.
Easy one. Take the Baby’s parachute.
Like taking parachute from a baby.
Harder than you might think. You ever tried taking lollies off a baby?
No, just parachutes. That has always been easy, especially the bible babies.
Yeah, lollies are harder. The parents a get involved, someone is always filming, then it gets on the internet and you inevitably end up getting called a pedophile... All for a sweet tasty treat from a baby.
Edit: never again.
the pragmatic approach
For sale:
Baby parachute.
Never used.
Never opened, only 1 flight.
genius
I mean nowhere does it say that you don't have your own, however you would be saving a perfectly good parachute in case you take it anyway
just tell them you wont open it, if they believe god is there to save him then we would wait until god does it.
I fail to see how it is supposed to be my Problem, whether the Baby pulls its parachute or not. Its never stated that its my Baby
It also never stated you wouldn‘t have your own parachute
On the flip side, it's also never stated we don't. And one usually doesn't go skydiving without one so it's more likely that we do.
Occam's razor baby
Instructions unclear. Used razor on baby.
did you atleast ensure it was occams razor?
I just figured the simplest solution was to use the one I had on me and not try to find some other one.
ah, you see thats where you made the mistake
Can't expect logic from such dipshits to begin with
In that case, I'm confident that even in free fall I could easily overpower any baby regardless of its theological leanings.
Also, the baby is then choosing to commit suicide, which is a big no no in Christianity, it would doom itself to hell for eternity by its own baby logic.
Well, others have pointed out it probably wouldn’t, but it’d still go to purgatory, where they suffer for ages before being sent to heaven
In fact quite the opposite. Given babies don’t develop belief systems independently from parents, it probably isn’t your baby.
An atheists kid might rebel and go be religious. But an atheists baby has probably never so much as heard of Jesus.
My baby wouldn’t be so aggressively Christian, so I can tell you it’s not my baby.
The baby dies too, so the baby is the ultimate loser.
Also, why I am skydiving in the first place lol
bros asking all the right questions
“Why are you skydiving?” Isn’t the big question here. There are so many better questions.
Why are you skydiving with an aggressively Christian baby that can talk? And why is that baby pulling such crazy shit to try to convert you? And what makes the person think that I care about the baby, and I also wouldn’t either lie to the baby or open its parachute myself?
Who lets the baby have control of the rip cord too?
Well the baby said that he won’t open his parachute. This implies that the baby has his own parachute so if the baby refused to release his own parachute is his own problem. I’ll still be landing safely and continue to live my life like nothing had happen.
Oh yeah, if its separate chutes, then to hell with the baby. Im opening my own and let that kid go to jesus by itself
People are forgetting that the catholic(?) church believes babies go to hell unless they had the baptism. So the Christian baby may be going to hell anyway.
Any god that would visit an eternity of punishment upon a being for something completely out of its control (whether or not a baby was baptized before it died) is a god unworthy of worship.
Thank you. This is how I read it. My answer was "I don't care what the baby does with its parachute. I'm opening mine and landing safely".
Sounds like the baby is trying to reinvent The Trolley Problem, but has badly misunderstood the premise.
What’s stopping me from just grabbing the baby with one hand and opening my own parachute with the other?
This sounds like the premise of a weird dream.
Won't open HIS parachute, I'm still safe to open up mine the baby can go bye bye
This, plus if you have issues with it: jank his cord, what's he gonna do? He's a frigging baby.
-1 baby.
What do Christians think faith works like?
Depends on the denomination. In some literally all you have to say is that you accept Jesus and you're saved, in others you also have to believe it.
Not to mention some believe that you'll only gain entry through doing good works, others believe that you're doomed to hell regardless. Some believe that God is inside of you, and others believe that God wants you to buy a private jet for the preacher. My favorite move is when people accept God on their deathbed, as if you're going to trick God with a technicality.
On my deathbed I will switch religions one by one and the one I die on is the one I believe. Russian roulette if you will
No. In the picture it literally says "renounce atheism and accept Jesus as your lord and savior".
They think faith is something you’re manipulated into under duress, because that’s their experience of it.
That is probably exactly it.
"Do what we tell you or suffer."
Since we can just renounce whatever we want I'll convert in the sky and renounce when we touch down, how is this even a dilemma?
Bigger question is how is the baby threatening suicide your responsibility? It's not your baby in this scenario and suicide isn't exactly an approved course of action within christianity.
I figured we were tandem and for some reason the little bugger was the only one who could open the parachute.
Bigger question is who are the monsters raising suicide babies? Damn terrorists.
Because it gives the Atheist the power to get rid of a Christian by simply not lying. It's a win-win.
No need to even bother renouncing. It's not like any supernatural being heard you convert.
If I’m forced to do it, does it really count as converting?
What, you think everyone converted to Christianity voluntarily?
It was spread by the sword more than it was ever spread by the word.
Same with Islam and the various religions of Rome besides the aforementioned Christianity.
Some did.
Some, but far from all
It’s literally all made up anyway. Not just the baby and scenario. All of it.
Wake up, that's what I do
Yeah, was about to answer: “I’d see a psychiatrist and start some meds”
I'd just open my own? I mean, if god really exists and cares then it would save the baby even if the baby wouldn't open their parachute. A caring god wouldn't just allow innocent babies to die, right?
Dude their God kills kids just to make a point in the Bible.
I mean If god's real it gives newborns terminal illnesses so it's not just the bible, mf is actively spawncamping
I don't believe in the claim there's a God but if we did meet I would be asking him/her/it some very awkward questions.
Yaweh is also super cool with chatel slavery.
The Bible is not the ultimate moral guide.
“Kid, if a god exists then you wouldn’t be falling from an airplane right now”
Problem is there's very little evidence, given the writings of the various holy books of the Abrahamic faiths, that God is a caring god.
My favourite example is from Genesis: "Don't eat from that tree or you'll surely die!" Adam and Eve eat from the tree, but God doesn't kill them, he exiles them from Eden...Not only is God an irrational child, he's a fucking liar, too.
Yeah, if the Christian God exists, he's a fuckin dick head
Say no to whatever drugs you took
Also my first thought, yeah - there’s gotta be drugs involved somewhere in this scenario…
So we have our own parachutes? The baby is threatening not to deploy its parachute unless I renounce atheism?
The answer is easy.
I'd deploy my parachute and allow "god" to decide the babies fate. I ain't in the mood to play chicken with the ground, and if the baby is right, then it'll be fine.
Not my problem 🤷♂️
Use the baby as a cushion for when my parachute inevitably fail because it was tampered by the baby
If your religion condones extortion like that, I do not want it.
That sounds like a future Darwin award winner to me.
It turns out that atheists can lie in situations like this with no repercussions.
The picture states he won't open HIS parachute. I can still open mine. So I'll open my chute and watch the godfearing little monster hurdle to the ground at breakneck speed.
I tell my intrusive thoughts to be quiet, deploy the parachute and take a plan b when I land.
Damn, that skydiving, talking Christian baby ain't fucking around.
I don't do blackmail.
Bye baby.
If you need to come out with an irrational situation to prove your point, then your point is probably irrational.
Christian baby doing a handstand to make you renounce Atheism
Would you, an atheist take a bullet for a Christian baby?
Baby jesus math is superior to atheist math!
Would you save a baby from fire? Well, what about a Christian baby!?
Would you save baby? But lose your FAITH in atheism!? (This particular question has about 27 versions of itself on quora)
Atheists if a baby was sick, and then you LITERALLY MET GOD would you be atheist?
What the fuck is a christian baby? Unless they just mean one that was baptized against its will.
Obviously, it's a baby that has accepted Jesus christ as their lord and savior. /s
The goal is to paint atheists as some kind of baby eating coalition, it doesn't need to make any sense whatsoever in their minds. It's just a tie-in feature for opposing abortion.
All of it's just NatC bullshit that should be ignored and not promoted. You shouldn't click those links and give them any more unnecessary attention.
A 3rd grader has the perfect answer for almost all those questions
Except the one with the book. That one is even stupider then the rest put together.
Are we tandem?
Yes: I just pull the 'chute open. I think I can over power a psychotic baby.
No: I open my 'chute and let the baby make a fool of itself. Either it never opens theirs and they die hitting the ground, or, they become a liar. Balls in your court, baby.
I take it as "both the baby and me have a parachute" and think:
1: I cannot understand you in this wind
2: It is your decision
3: Sayonara!
I let that toxic evangelical fucker bounce.
Get out my phone and order a shovel and bin bags to be delivered ASAP.
If I have my own parachute. Nothing
If not remind the fully grown baby that they would be committing the sins of both murder and suicide so they would be going to hell
That's such a weird gotcha that it's got me wondering if they're asking because they wouldn't renounce Jesus in the same situation?
Since the question doesn't clarify if the baby is attached to me and is threatening to kill us both or if me and the baby are falling seperately and he is threatening suicide, here are my 2 answers.
We are attached together: lmao just pull the parachute, how is a baby gonna prevent me from pulling the cord?
We are seperate: do what you want, I don't care about a random baby
In this case, the baby is clearly cognizant enough to make their own choice, and is therefor choosing to commit suicide, that baby is going to hell.
Also there are like... a hundred or so questions in this vein on Quora, it's really funny to go through some of them.
Why do Christians have talking babies and why is it’s parents allowing it to skydive?
Pretend to convert. Then as soon as the baby opens the parachute, bring it your knife and threaten them to cut the parachute if they don't renounce Jesus and become an atheist. Pull an UNO REVERSE on the baby.
Let the baby fall and bounce. When you get to the ground just tell everyone that you don’t know what happened. Or tell everyone that you said you believe but it didn’t work. I mean, isn’t that how Christianity works anyway? Pray and pray and pray but nothing happens?
Easy. Say “Hope your Jesus saves you”, then yeet the baby and enjoy my skydive, then pull my chute at the proper time while watching the proselytizer baby go splat. Done and done. Ain’t my problem.
Christians: you're skydiving with an atheist baby and it tells you it won't open its parachute until you renounce god and christ. What do you do? ... Yep, still sounds stupid from the other side.
Why is the baby trying to manipulate me? That’s the real question.
Ah yeah, the famous Skydiving Christian Baby Problem. I converted because of it, but later on a skydiving atheist baby converted me back to atheism.
I've had to stop skydiving with babies, the philosophical ramifications are just too massive.
Calmly explain to the silly Christian that he’s too small to open a parachute anyway then reach up and do it for us. Silly Christian baby will learn when he’s older, after many years of therapists to cope with the aftermath of handsy preachers, that Christianity is the religion of the dumb dumb.
It's a fucking baby. 1. Baby didn't say shit. 2. Baby's can't reach the pull cord.
Grow up and toss that demon child out the plane.
I think if that happened I’d become unchristian
No worries, the baby won't be able physically and mentally to open his parachute anyway....
Keep making more and more ridiculous hypotheticals until your opponent finally goes down your script of leading questions.
I would tell the baby to have faith in Jesus and not worry about his parachute. Meanwhile, I would release my own parachute at around 3,000 ft.
Open my parachute and wave.
Jokes aside, I'd just lie, or grab them. Then I'd look up what fuckwit of a parent threw their baby out of a goddamn airplane and report them to CPS.
Christian Baby strikes again!
that is... not how atheism works
WHAT DID HE SAY? I CAN'T HEAR OVER THE SOUND OF SKYDIVING
I don’t have an imagination. It’s why I can’t participate in this mental exercise, nor religion.
If a baby started full sentence talking to me about the Lord I would let it die, that's clearly not a human baby and is probably a demon or something
Open the lil fuckers parachutiste for him. How’s he gonna stop me he’s a baby
This scenario happens more often than you might think.
Honestly with all the evidence presented, I'm accepting that god is real and I'm taking that talking demon baby straight to hell with me.
I’m very tempted to open my parachute, but I’d probably open the fucker’s parachute first.
Throw away the talking demon baby.
Splat baby. One less nitwit….
Instead of picking at any holes in the question, I will answer it as intended. I would lie and say whatever I needed to say to save the baby, then move on with life. Words aren’t magic.
I'd call his bluff. His god will save him.
His God will not save him because he is directly violating Matthew 4:7 You shall not tempt the Lord your God
Yeah Christian’s rarely read the whole bible and stick to it, just the key points that benefit them or are easy to them
Throw the baby away. It's clearly demon possessed.
Fuck em.
I say this with all the respect I can muster, Christ can suck my trans dick with the hateful and intolerant bullcrap his "followers" spew.
No way I'm falling into that pit for some damn baby of all things.
Amen
Just pull its parachute for ir
Just… carry the baby and open your own parachute? It’s not like the baby would be heavy enough to bring both of you crashing to death.